Here's to Hindsight

D-Group Update

2012-01-08T03:11:00.004-05:00

We've been up to a lot with D-Group. I can hardly keep track of where and when every group is meeting. But I'm posting this here as a means for any interested parties to access the information easily. This is a list of the D-Groups we're rolling out at the start of 2012. There will be more with the next 2 months. All groups are ladies only, except where specified otherwise.

ANDERSON
Monday 7-9pm
Wednesday 7-9pm
Wednesday 7:15-9:15pm (Women 40+)
Co-Ed Married D-Group coming soon!

GREENVILLE
Monday 7-9pm
Monday 7-9pm (Co-Ed Marrieds)
Tuesday 6:30-8:30pm
Tuesday 7:30-9:30pm

CHARLESTON
Tuesday 6:30-8:30

CLEMSON
Tuesday 7-9pm
Thursday 5:30-7:30pm

COLUBMIA
Tuesday 7-9pm

FLORENCE
Tuesday 6-8pm

MACON, GA
*leader seeking members*

MYRTLE BEACH
*leader seeking members*

If you're interested in being a part of D-Group or finding out more info, click here to visit an older blog entry explaining it in more detail.

If you like what you read and want to be a part of what we're doing (currently there are available slots in all our D-Groups), feel free to leave me a comment or send me an email through my website to let me know!

Slack.

2012-01-08T03:07:00.001-05:00

Hey friends!

While I haven't been posting here lately, I've been busy writing many things elsewhere.

My new book, Orange Jumpsuit: Letters to the God of Freedom, the third in my Letters series, came out in 11/1/11. Hooray!

If you haven't picked up a copy, there are only 3 places you can do that. Click on the links for whatever your needs may be:

1. Print
2. Kindle
3. Nook

For those who've already read it: if you have 5 minutes (and 5 stars... cough cough) to spare, feel free to leave a review!

Since the book's release, I've been working on my 4th book, Mile Deep: A Practical Guide to Discipleship, based on my experiences with the Discipleship Groups ("D-Groups") that I lead. It's short and easy and very weird to write. Telling people what to do is way different than sharing my life experiences. Hopefully it won't come across as pushy. :)

I hope it will be out in March.

What are you up to so far in 2012?

Every Move I Make

2011-09-12T12:06:00.005-04:00

Every move I make and word I speak should amplify the Gospel and serve to advance the Kingdom, even in my rest and leisure activities. So, here's a list of things to hold my actions up against and see if they measure up.

1. Is it beneficially to me personally and to the gospel generally?

2. Does it make God look glorious?

3. Will I lose self control and be mastered by what i participate in? Can I handle it?

4. Am I doing this in front of someone who will stumble because of it? (Sometimes it is best not to exercise your freedom. Christian maturity is laying down your freedom and not demanding to walk in it.)

5. Is it illegal?

6.If I fail to do this will I lose an opportunity to share the gospel?

7. Am I doing this to help other people or am I just being selfish?

8. Can I do this in a way that glorifies God?

9. Am I following the example of Jesus to help sinners be reconciled to God?

Thanks to Matt Chandler at The Village Church for this list. D-Group has just wrapped up our Colossians series from The Village Church, and this is from sermon 19. By the way, sermons 19 and 20 are game-changers.

When I Was In Prison...

2011-08-31T00:07:00.002-04:00

I hope your summer is wrapping up nicely! What did you do? Where did you go?

Apart from eating a few too many fried things at a county fair, I had a great summer, working hard at a new project that is both terrifying and exciting. Here's a quick update on that:

NEW BOOK!

I spent much of my summer living in the empty homes of friends and strangers, while they were away on vacation, writing my 3rd book. It's much like my previous books, written from a personal perspective in the memoir style similar to Anne Lamott or Donald Miller -- and it's about freedom from fear, about learning to walk in the fullness of what Christ purchased for me on the cross.

It's called Orange Jumpsuit: Letters to the God Who Frees (hence the title of this blog entry) and it is the 3rd in my series of spiritual memoir / essays. If you're interested in reading part of the introduction, I've posted it on my KickStarter page:

http://www.tinyurl.com/orangejumpsuit

In order to release the book, I need to raise $5500 before Oct 3 through KickStarter. If you feel led to donate or even just to pre-order a copy of the book, that would go a LONG way in helping make this happen! (NOTE: KickStarter requires that ALL the funding be pledged before they draft it. So if I don't meet my goal, none of the money is taken from sponsors, and I don't get any funding at all.)

FALL/WINTER/SPRING TOURING:

I'd love to come speak at your college chapel service, or to your youth group, or lead worship at your singles retreat, or perform a concert at your house. Or whatever works! If you're interested in putting something like that together, please let me know ASAP, so we can get rolling with that! Booking a show is super easy. Just send me an email saying you're interested: booking@taraleighcobble.com

I hope you're all doing well, and I can't wait to see you out there soon!

Much love,
Tara-Leigh
http://www.taraleighcobble.com

Writing Tour

2011-07-27T01:29:00.000-04:00

46 Days
65,000 Words (give or take)
1 Book
10 States
7,951.4 miles
1 Shuttle Launch

This trip taught me many things, but the greatest and most obvious was about the Body of Christ, how much we need each other, how brilliantly He fashioned us to fit together.

Say It Ain't So...

2011-07-20T06:27:00.002-04:00

This mug is my souvenir from the launch of Atlantis STS-135 on July 8. Seeing a shuttle launch was a dream come true for me. But the last American shuttle comes home to earth in less than 24 hours. I am replete with nostalgia, overwhelmed with frustration.

When I was five years old, I met Buzz Aldrin, who landed on the moon at the same time as Neil Armstrong, then took communion on the moon (!!!), before walking on it. When I met him, he knelt down and asked me my name, then scrawled on a glossy 8x10 color photo of him by the American flag:

Jesus walking on the earth is more important than man walking on the moon.
- Buzz Aldrin

Thus began my fascination with the moon, space, NASA, planets, nebulae. I still haven't gotten over Pluto's dismissal as a planet. We can't just give it away like that... it's not fair. Our solar system is a family--like first cousins once removed (Jupiter's moons) and crazy uncles with big facial moles (Jupiter itself) and the aunt who has been married too many times (Saturn).

So it's hard for me to watch this season come to an end. Grounding the shuttles and sending them off to museums... it's like saying we're not going to have family reunions anymore, because it's too much trouble for grandma to make the trip these days. So, instead, let's just be Facebook friends with everyone. What's the point?

It's so hard to move backward. Obama says we're moving forward. Maybe to Mars. Unmanned. Unmanned? Those expeditions are the facebook photos of space travel. I want more than that. I pray to God that other countries keep people in orbit if we can't. Do it, Japan. Go for it, Russia.

My poet's heart says space will take it hard. It will feel like the black sheep and will pack up the moon and the stars and all its things and just disappear because we have rejected it. I don't want to look up at an empty sky on the 22nd.

The space program costs the average American $93 per year. I would gladly pay astronomical gas prices (pun intended), if Obama would just give us back the sky.

I really, really hate this. Seriously, desperately sad about it.

D-Group Info

2011-05-10T00:21:00.013-04:00

Many of you have been asking questions about D-Group, so I decided to put a lot of information here in one place, where I can direct people to it easily. If you're a regular blog reader and you have no interest in this, carry on...

"D-Group" = Discipleship Group. It's like a Bible study, but more intense. Through trial and error, this is how we've found things work best for us.

COMMITMENT:
We meet weekly. You're expected to do the work on your own time and show up weekly to discuss it. You should make this a primary commitment on the night of the week that you're attending. We expect that you'll show up prepared, and we promise that you'll leave challenged and encouraged. :)

You'll be expected to honor this commitment throughout the duration of the study (usually 6-10 weeks). We believe that every person in your life will benefit from your commitment to know God more fully, so we ask you to respect your commitment not only to God and to the group, but to everyone in your life, and attend weekly. If you're sick or out of town, we understand. But if you're just tired or make other plans, that's not cool.

We close the group during the course of each study, so new members have to join during Interim Week (explained below). We cap the group at 12 people. Anything bigger is too large for the intimacy we desire, and usually takes more time than the schedule allows. It's also a good excuse to branch off into another group and train new leadership so we can further our discipleship influence.

SCHEDULE:
D-Group lasts 2 hours, and here's what the general format looks like. In this example, D-Group starts at 7pm, although the groups vary in start time (see below).

6:55pm - Arrive, say hello, whatever whatever.
7pm - Turn off your phone, grab a seat. It's go time.
- Opening prayer
- Individually say memory verses from previous week; we memorize a verse each week
7:15pm - Break off into prayer groups. These are groups of 2-3. Groups stay the same throughout a study.
- Confess / Accountability
- Praise
- Prayer Requests
- NO GOSSIP. You will be shut down immediately.
- Each person prays aloud for the other person in the group.
7:45pm - Discussion time!
- Gather into main meeting area again.
- Discuss the study or sermon series.
- Please contribute whatever insights, questions, or highlights you encountered! We encourage everyone to contribute.
8:35pm - Weekly Challenge
- Share the results of the previous week's challenge. Any interesting stories?
- Then I will share (via video, unless you're in one of the groups I lead) a practical challenge for us to grow deeper.
8:55pm - Closing Prayer
9pm - Group ends

INTERIM WEEK:
Interim Week is the week between studies / semesters / sessions (we use these words interchangeably). During this week, we usually have a potluck dinner party, go out to dinner, go bowling, etc. This is our chance to celebrate what God has done during the past study while welcoming new members for the upcoming study! If you're interested in joining D-Group, Interim Week will be the first thing you attend. Then, your personal study (at home) will begin the next day, and the following week we will discuss Week 1 of the study.

RELATIONSHIPS:
Sometimes we hang out during the week... that's up to each individual group. Invite some girls to lunch! This is how we really come to bond as a group over time. It also helps us to be involved with each other to the degree that we don't waste prayer time "catching up", because we're already caught up! We want this to be a true community. It doesn't mean you'll be best friends with everyone right off the bat, but if you put in the time, pray for these ladies, and show up... it will naturally evolve into some very meaningful relationships.

WHEN & WHERE:
If you want to be in a D-Group, here's a list of times and places that you can choose from. Many of the groups are very diverse in demographics (age, marital status, parental status, etc.), but if you have specific questions, don't hesitate to email me about it (tlc [at] tara leigh cobble [dot] com). In fact, you'll need to contact me to let me know you're interested regardless.

MONDAY
-Anderson / near Chick-fil-A on Hwy 81 / 7-9pm
-Clemson / Woodlands Clubhouse / 6-8pm
TUESDAY
-Florence / Central Florence off Edisto / 5-7pm
-Greenville / Augusta Road area / 7:30-9:30pm
WEDNESDAY
-Anderson / near Exit 19 off I-85 / 7:30-9:30pm
-Charleston / West Ashley area / 6:30-8:30pm
THURSDAY
-Greenville / East North Street area / 7-9pm
-Easley / Syracuse Road area / 6:30-8:30pm

WANTED:
- We are looking to plant a D-Group in Myrtle Beach as well. Please let me know if you're interested in this option! We have a leader and a location... now we just need attendees!
- Several people have expressed interest in a Columbia group. We need a leader and a location for this.

Our next series will be the 6-week study (beginning in September) called "Duty or Delight" by Tammie Head. You can pick up a copy of the Bible study book at LifeWay. Please do not order it online, as it may not arrive in time.

WE START NEW SESSIONS THE WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 19-23, so you will need to let me know prior to the beginning of the study if you're interested in joining one of the groups. Also let me know which group you're specifically interested in, if one if better than the others.

There are only four requirements for joining a D-Group. You must be:

1. Christian
2. Female
3. Committed
4. Teachable

Okayyyyy, that is a lot of info. But it's much easier to have it here in one place than to have to send it to multiple people in separate emails. I really hope you'll join us!

Grace & Peace,
Tara-Leigh

Mom.

2011-05-08T01:51:00.002-04:00

A friend wrote a blog post recently about the discipline of celebration, the beauty of choosing to revel in the days that are camel-colored, instead of just the saffron or sky-blue colored days.

My mother excels at this, and it is one of the things she labored to impart to me. She wanted me to know this more than how to fold a fitted sheet or iron a collar. And only once did she throw spaghetti through the air and make it stick to the cupboard in an effort to to teach me the finer points of pasta. But almost daily, she displayed life like an easel and pointed out the beautiful shades and textures hiding in the shadows of the trees.

She guided me through life like a docent, the world her museum of wonder. She is the curator of appreciation itself.

Tonight I raise my glass to Mom and to all the things she would’ve noticed about today: the beam of light across the room as I woke, for the sun on my toes as I sat on my balcony and read my Bible, the freedom of a calling that allows me space and silence to study the Word, for the girls I meet with weekly who enrich my life with aspects of His character to admire and worship in Him, for the way it feels to have my whole body exhausted after cleaning up from a 5-hour party.

These are all easy places to find beauty. But I’m just a novice at this. My mother could look at a trash can and appreciate its form and usefulness.

These are willful choices she makes in the midst of a flurry of family members, phone calls, sharpening chainsaw blades, shampooing hair, mowing the lawn, singing in the church choir, visiting friends who are shut-in at their homes, making up games with her grandchildren, feeding the horses, making the perfect crumbly-sweet cornbread, and calling the only one of her children who lives far away.

It takes effort and wisdom to see the reality of things but find hope and joy in the midst of it. It’s more fun to be blissfully unaware. It’s easier to be cynical and dismissive. But the strength to look at someone who is hurting you and say, “I believe in you” … that is my mother’s strength, come down from the Father. I pray it lands on me and I never recover.

Why Me?

2011-05-02T15:19:00.003-04:00

This is on the inside cover of my Bible. I taped these pictures there in late September 2001. I've been praying for them both since then (and Obama, as well).

Last night when I heard the news my initial response shocked me. My heart felt so, so sad. For nearly a decade, I've been praying that God would draw Osama bin Laden's heart to His, that He would redeem this story in the way He redeemed Saul's life on the road to Damascus.

I was heartbroken, because my prayers engaged my heart toward this man, who is one of my enemies in a very literal sense. God's love is powerful. It changed my heart toward Osama.

So I'm left with one main question now: Why me?

Why me? Another day that I get to live and know and love Him. Another day that He hasn't killed me. Another day spared and blessed, undeserving. I've been so humbled by bin Laden's death. It awakens the reality that I deserve the exact same penalty. Yet Christ decided to spare me. I am truly baffled and so grateful.

I can't say how others should feel or respond. I can only tell you how I feel: It has humbled me, fixed my eyes on Christ, and I worship. Not because bin Laden died, but because bin Laden's death has reminded me that Christ died for sinners like me.

How am I remembering?

2011-04-18T14:24:00.001-04:00

It’s Holy Week.

In all of scripture, we’re never commanded to remember Christ’s birth. We spend months doing that. Instead, He tells us to remember His death… the way His blood was spilled and His body broken.

God, give my heart a good memory.

Party in the USA.

2011-04-12T15:52:00.001-04:00

I met a homeless man named John outside Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in Los Angeles today. I kept hoping I’d run into him again before I head back east on tour. And as we were walking to dinner a few hours later, I saw him in the distance.

“Hey, John!”

“Headed out to somewhere fancy?”

“Yeah... we're just going to dinner. Do you need anything?”

I’ve started asking homeless people this question whenever I can. Just asking them what they need before they have to humble themselves to ask yet another person who will probably deny them — it makes all the difference in the way they feel about their value to God and to others.

And I’ve noticed that they will very rarely ask for money, even though they definitely need money. More often, they will ask for things like prayer, a ride to church, food, socks, blankets. My friend Mike back home wants me to help him find a job, so I’ve been making phone calls on his behalf. He doesn’t have a phone. If he calls from a pay phone, he can’t give them that number to reply to. And it doesn’t bolster his reputation with a potential employer if they have to leave a message for him at a shelter.

These gestures are tiny little things for most of us. SO TINY. It shocks me how nearly effortless it is to love people in ways that can alter the entire course of their lives. All it takes is a little bit of attention. It doesn’t even feel like dying to self — it feels like coming alive.

I’m done wasting joy on myself. I’m also done sharing it only with my peers. It surprises me how much He has given me such a passion for taking Him literally when He talks about the party in Luke 14:12-24. And it surprises me even more that it doesn’t even feel like charity… it actually feels like a party.

I find myself missing my homeless friends back home as much as my friends who have roofs over their heads. And this is how I see His work in me. He is making all things new… including my heart.

Spring Tour: Day 1

2011-04-02T01:28:00.005-04:00

This morning I slept through my alarm. When I woke, an hour later, the sun had made its way to my window, pushing and shoving at the curtains. They're thick gray, floor-to-ceiling curtains, so the sun has to be bossy with them sometimes in order to get my attention. They're the bouncers you have to bribe to get into my windows.

The first thing I told myself was that it was a good thing I slept in. It was going to be a very long day, so I needed rest. And I didn't feel the need to rush myself, because I knew the 12 hour drive would be rough enough. So I intentionally slowed myself down. I left 3 hours later than I planned, but I had nowhere to be except for my Hampton Inn suite.

Their site said the room was $105, but I decided to try my hand at Priceline and ended up getting it for less than half price. And now I think I have a new hobby. Saving that much money feels kind of like gambling and I'm afraid it may become addictive. I hope I don't start booking hotels that I don't actually need.

So here are a few new things I'm trying out on this tour, in order to attempt to be healthier as I travel 8,500 miles in 3.5 weeks:

- Every time I stop for anything at all, I will try to do some form of brief exercise. This may mean that you will find me doing lunges across a truck stop parking lot while I'm waiting for the gas to finish pumping. Tonight, for instance, I ran wind sprints behind the Cracker Barrel where I stopped to pick up a new audio book. And then I saw the security camera and felt a little awkward.

- Eating meals while sitting somewhere other than my car. I might sit outside on the grass, lay my head back and stare at the clouds. I might eat in the booth at the grocery store deli. I just want to have a table (if possible) and some time to eat like a real human being.

- Not eating fast food. I typically don't do this anyway. But I'm making it a non-issue by taking a cooler with me on this tour. That also means that all my hotel rooms have to have refrigerators, which is why I had to go gambling on Priceline to begin with.

It's 12:39 Central Time, and I'm bidding you farewell from Room 232. I am supposed to run 11 miles tomorrow morning, but there's a good chance I will put that off until Sunday since I have to drive 5+ hours and drive a show tomorrow as well. I'll let you know.

Goodnight, moon.

Speaking A New Language

2011-03-13T12:56:00.003-04:00

They say a major indicator that you've integrated a new language into your vocabulary is when you begin to dream in that language. It has become such a part of your subconscious that your mind automatically retrieves it.

Last night I dreamed that something happened to my car. Through the kindness of a benefactor, I ended up with a new car. I remember climbing inside and finding it wasn't quite what I expected... the upholstery, the style, etc. As I surveyed the rest of the interior, I noticed the sunroof.

A sunroof is a talisman, changing ordinary days and nights into magical experiences. It's a chaperone, allowing me to indulge in my love affair with the sky.

When I saw the sunroof and felt the pools of joy in my eyes, I knew it was a gift from Him. I thanked Him. Overjoyed and grateful. Even though my new car didn't meet all my specifications, He had given me one special thing that He knew I'd always wanted. And it reminded me how attentive He is to my heart. Every tiny gesture is another way He blesses me. In the withholding, in the abundance, He is never less than loving.

When I woke, I knew that the language of my heart is one of gratitude and love for Him. It is a language that trusts Him. He has changed my heart into something that automatically praises Him, even in my subconscious.

I never dreamed that would happen, but He is even better than what I dream.

Paradigm Shift

2010-12-14T03:42:00.000-05:00

Every year Christmas is a weight around my neck. I begin the feel the downward pull into Holiday Dread around August. Panic sets in around mid-November.

Not this time.

Over the past few years, I’ve set out to redeem the things I hate. The way it works is this: I’m miserable because I’m focused on myself instead of on the Gospel. So I ask God to help me focus on the Him and His Kingdom instead.

Practical application: In college, Valentine’s Day became the day I cooked and baked goodies for all my single friends and delivered them as “The Valentine’s Fairy.” I still do this and love it!

This year for Christmas, I’ve begun accumulating a list of places I can serve and help out. Our BIble study did a huge fundraiser for GFA that brought in more than twice as much as my high goal.

And since my family already did GFA last year in lieu of presents, they were on board for this year, too! As a family, we donated 4x what we gave last year!

Some of my friends and I are making eggs and bacon for the homeless guys in my neighborhood. Just setting up a table on the corner and hanging out.

I’m looking for other people who have crappy Christmas situations (divorce, sickness, child in custody of other parent, etc.) and I’m praying about ways to lighten their load and share some of the Father’s joy with them. It thrills me when I find a need like that and get to put it on my calendar.

What I’m finding is that the Gospel actually works. Not just to save people from hell, but to save me from the tyranny of myself. And perhaps you may think that’s selfish too. But the God I serve is loving and efficient enough to make the right thing bring joy. He’s beautiful like that.

COOOOOKIEEEEEES!!!

2010-12-08T23:52:00.003-05:00

Tonight I made 21 dozen cookies! It was so much fun that I've decided to quit my job as a musician and become a professional chef!

For those of you who donated to the album fund at the "Cookies" level: I hope they're still fresh when they get to you, and that the shipping process leaves them in something more than crumbles!

Best,
TLC

WE DID IT!!

2010-12-08T01:41:00.002-05:00

A NOTE & SOME QUESTIONS

NOTE:

Tonight at 7pm eastern time, we crossed the goal for the Kickstarter funding, 5 hours before the end of the $8,000 pledge drive! And for the next 5 hours, you continued to give!

I could go on for hours about how I am overwhelmed at the generosity you've all shown...

I could share with you the emails and texts and tweets about how God has used this to encourage your heart...

I could tell you how He has humbled and loved me so well through this process and through the love each of you have shown...

But it still wouldn't suffice. I will remember this and be grateful for each of you for the rest of my life.

I got messages from so many of you who were sitting at your computers, refreshing the screen because, as you said, "I can't wait to see when we pass the goal!" The fact that you began to view it as a "we" project instead of a "TLC" project is the most beautiful thing about this.

I have a new story to tell, not just ON this album, but ABOUT this album. And you're each a part of this new story:

There are prayers in my heart like acorns.
They’ve been there for years it seems.
Today I woke with a branch as a finger.
Tonight I am covered in leaves.

Thank you is insufficient. I pray that God will bless each of you for your kindness and sacrificial giving. You have made a difference. You have.

With gratitude and joy,
TLC:)

QUESTIONS:

If you've donated, please read the following notes and respond accordingly.

1. Please make sure to send your mailing address.

2. If you chose COOKIES, please reply to the email about your cookie preference.

3. There were some "errors" in collecting funding from some of your accounts. If your pledge did not go through, please update your information as soon as possible so that Kickstarter can use your funding! The errors actually put us back below the goal, so it's important that we get these remedied asap. Thanks!

Kickstart my heart...

2010-11-29T03:58:00.005-05:00

Hey friends,

Great news! I've been accepted to Kickstarter, a program that helps artists raise funding to continue to create art!

I've posted a short video on my page to tell you more about my new album and my heart behind it. If you can give $2, it would really help me reach my goal. I have 7 days left to raise the money (roughly $5,000). If you help me reach the goal, I'll be able to fund my album! If we fall short of the goal, Kickstarter doesn't pull any of the pledge money.

CLICK HERE TO GO TO MY PAGE

It's all or nothing! So please stop by the site, watch the video, and pray about helping move this project into the hearts and ears of people whose lives may be changed by the message...

Much love,
Tara-Leigh

Bonus fun!

2010-10-03T16:51:00.003-04:00

1. Hey friends! I've been in the studio this month recording my new album, Morning's War. I have a vision for this album, and these 11 songs capture that vision. My prayer is that the Lord will work through these chords and lyrics to encourage the timid, warn the idle, and help the weak (I Thess. 5:14). I'm praying for HUGE things to happen when these songs reach people's hearts!

2. If your relationship with God has been enhanced by music, please pray about making a contribution. Art works on the hearts of those who hear it. It is a gut-level means of communicating the Gospel. That's where I aim to meet people. Donate to my album fund today by “playing your part” on one of the following & you'll receive the bonus as my personal "thank you!" when the album releases!

PART YOU PLAY: Amount --> Bonus!

LYRIC: 25 --> Autographed album!

MELODY: 50 --> Autographed album + handwritten original haiku!

SONG: 100 --> Autographed album + I will personally bake & mail you a dozen cookies!

BACKGROUND VOCAL: 200 --> Autographed album + I will personally draw a doodle that you can frame & love!

ELECTRIC GUITAR: 500 --> Autographed album + original photo postcard including handwritten original haiku on back!

ACOUSTIC GUITAR: 1000 --> Autographed album + iPod shuffle pre-loaded with my entire catalog on it & a few unreleased songs!

PIANO: 2000 --> Autographed album + you and a guest will join me & the band for dinner the next time I play in your area!

LEAD VOCAL: 5000 --> Autographed album + I will perform a concert in your home for you and your friends while baking you cookies, writing a haiku, and drawing a doodle for you!

*Please note: if you've already given, these bonuses will also be retroactive!

Total costs will only be around $11000 (historically, my albums have cost nearly twice that much) because of some very generous help from friends. I've already raised $3000 toward this thanks to the financial sacrifices of donors! Only $8000 to go!

Credit/debit donations can be made via PayPal. Go to PayPal.com and donate to: shrinkingmusic@gmail.com. Or mail a check to: Tara-Leigh Cobble / Attn: Playing My Part / 109 Butler Ave, Suite #3 / Greenville, SC 29601

P.S. If you want to book me for a speaking engagement or a concert that helps financially as well! Contact: booking@taraleighcobble.com

Photo Contest

2010-09-08T19:42:00.004-04:00

Do you like to take photographs?
Do you fancy yourself a modern day Ansel Adams?
Are you awesome?

Because I want your pictures. For my next album cover.

We're holding a contest to see what kind of talent is happening out there! Send your original photo for use as my next album cover. The winner will receive full credit on the album and 5 free copies of the album when it releases!

Here are some rules and suggestions:

- Please send only high-quality photos.

- We're probably looking for something in black and white, sepia, or monochromatic tones.

- The album title is "Morning's War." Some themes of the album are: loss, time, ache, and space. This is relatively vague, I know, but we don't want to give you too much direction for fear of boxing in you creative types. :)

- Send your photo submissions along with your name and contact info to: shrinkingmusic@gmail.com . The subject of the email should be: TLC Photo Contest

- Deadline: Sept 20, 2010 (Monday)

Note: You must own the exclusive rights to the photo and be willing to give us the right to use the photo for any and all purposes associated with promotion, advertising, etc. Your name will be featured on the album as the photographer. The designer reserves the right to manipulate the photo, including but not limited to: cropping, enhancing, editing, and text overlay.

2010-09-07T00:06:00.001-04:00

Synesthesia from Terri Timely on Vimeo.

Note: This video isn't so much an example of what it's like to be a synesthete as it is an explanation of the condition itself.

Most of the time I don't talk about my synesthesia.

Sometimes I make statements that totally connect in my head but they fail to resonate with others. It makes me want to stop short of communicating.

But I love words. And I love people.

So I try. I think my synesthesia forced me to become a better communicator. I speak in analogy often. There tends to be less room for error there, even if the comparisons are off slightly.

I want to understand you. I will make great efforts to achieve that. I may also make efforts to explain myself... probably because I'm not sure if I'm speaking English or Synesthete, and I'm still learning to discern which is which.

Studio Thoughts & Fears

2010-08-31T13:55:00.004-04:00

I read two things this morning that somewhat adequately summarized the emotional journey I’m on while making this record.

@nedhepburn:

Blogging is like constantly doing a Zack Morris, where you turn to the camera and tell the unseen audience how you really feel. It’s a shame that this isn’t book-ended by gnarly guitar riffs, however.

As it turns out, what my audience hears IS surrounded by guitar riffs. I try to tell myself most of the time that I’m not a real musician, mostly because I’m not an incredibly skilled musician. But I think that’s just the way I console my own fears. The reality is: I have been doing this for long enough now that I have a steady list of people whose lives have been connected to my music and my thoughts that it actually starts to terrify me when I’m working on a record. And this is the most honest, terrifying record I’ve ever made.

@jhnmyr:

I think I owe it to my fans to disregard them during the making of an album. If I don’t risk it all on tape soon I’m going to be in trouble. I need to be loud. Slightly out of tune. Stick around in a solo a little too long. Maybe not know exactly what I’m doing and let that be the document.

I’m not John Mayer, so it’s weird to say that I have “fans” but for whatever reason, I do. And some people who have followed my career for the past 6 albums will hate this one and will write me off forever, and that’s okay.

Art is not perfect, because art reflects life, and life is messy.

And my life, especially this time around, is especially messy.

So expect something ugly and beautiful.

You might not even care that my actual life is wrapped up in there somewhere.

It’s okay. That’s an honest response, too.

2010-08-13T15:41:00.001-04:00

You can't tame the things that try to kill you. You have to kill them. To kill the root of a sin, ask God for the grace to do its opposite. Be cognizant of the places you lose this battle, and actively wage war against it. And you will thrive.

* Impatient? -- Choose the slowest line at the grocery store, the longest lane at the red light.
* Lustful? -- Praise godly character. Resist the natural urge to chase after beauty and consume it.
* Greedy? -- Give things away. Set aside a portion of your income for a ministry or charity.
* Selfish? -- Ask how you can help others. Beat them to the "ask."
* Idolatrous? -- Cut yourself off from the things that you worship.
* Prideful? -- Offer gratitude to God and others for what you've been given (but not in the Luke 18:11 sense). Weep with those who weep.
* Gluttonous? -- Fast.
* Gossiping? -- Speak kind words of / to others. Look for ways to praise your enemies.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." -- Phil 4:8

sign me up

2010-08-03T13:27:00.004-04:00

“Only masochists love the things that hurt them.”

Maybe.

Why is it easy for me to love the things/people/ideas that wound me? Last month I was in a car accident. The girl at fault cost me thousands of dollars. She falsified the police report, lied to me and avoided me. She was easy to love.

I find myself strangely drawn to addicts, narcissists, those who are so selfish that they never can/will love anyone but themselves, or those who only “love” others out of a vacuum. Does this mean I need therapy to work it out? Or has Christ worked it in me?

What does it mean that my favorite holidays are New Year’s Eve (exponentially worse every year) and Valentine’s Day (never had a Valentine)? Is it beautiful that I love those days? Or is it foolish?

I wrestle with this. Sometimes I hate it. But sometimes it brings me the deepest peace and joy to have relentless hope.

2010-07-29T02:42:00.005-04:00

I've been thinking about this a lot lately...

You're starving. Literally. You've lived your whole life with a physical hunger that never came close to being filled. You know God; you met Him once when some missionaries came through and told your family about Jesus. And you believe. You really believe.

But your stomach still cramps. Your bones still threaten to rip through the thin sheet of your flesh.

One day a group of people roll into your desert in a big white school bus. You've seen buses pass through the desert before. It's mostly meaningless. But then, this bus stops. The passengers walk down the steps of the bus and put some stakes into the ground, put a tarp over your heads, create some shade. They build a fire, they put clean water (where does it even come from? a plastic barrel!) into a big metal pot and they stir...

Smells creep into your nostrils. Your heart rate increases. You feel a lump in your throat. You feel the shaking that comes from crying, but you're too dehydrated to even produce tears. Your stomach aches and longs for the food. Will there be enough?

When the food is finally done (it took so long!), you shove it into your mouth with your hands, thanking God for every bite. You feel so many emotions all at once. You step out from under the shade of the tarp to stare at the sky and rub the tip of your toes in the ground to make sure you are still on earth, because you can't believe how beautiful this moment is.

FOOD. FINALLY.

Your belly fills up so quickly but you shovel in more, until you can barely move. You drink water. It tastes so strange to your lips, not like the murky water that you haul in on your back from the valleys whenever it happens to rain. This is perfect.

And then, as quickly as they came, the white people in their white bus vanish. You go to look at the ground where they put the stakes that held up the tarp. You're checking for holes in the ground to make sure it really happened. There are holes. You even see an oil stain on the ground and you bend down to smell it. It smells like the meat. You press your face to the sand, crying. The only proof that they were really here are the holes in the ground, this oil stain, and the tears you can actually cry now.

There's a word in your language for irony; you mouth it over and over again, as you wrestle with fear and anger and sadness. But mostly despair. They fed you just enough to enable you to cry.

Even though you know better, you open your lips through the sobs and press your tongue to the sand where the oil has saturated it. There is barely any taste to it. Nothing good. You're left with a tongue covered in dirt. And no water to wash it away.

Days pass.

Weeks.

Months.

How often do you think about that day? How often do you replay the moment that you first heard the engine of the bus and saw the sand swirling behind it as it arrived? You can barely even recall the texture of food on your tongue, but the memory of hope overwhelms you. Did you dream it?

Do you say to your family, "Remember when we ate a meal? That was incredible!" Or is it too painful to talk about?

Do your days get lost in the thought, "Will I ever eat like that again?"

Do you pray for death? Do you hold out hope for more food? Or do you have to forget it in order to stay sane? How often do you look to the horizon?

2010-07-12T15:51:00.002-04:00

I have everything I need. The fullness of Christ is so abundant that were you to take a rock or a hill or a mountain range from my provision, I would still have more than my heart can hold. The depth of my sin, when inverted, can’t reach the heights of His grace and mercy.

Humility is a process for me, of falling down and looking up to see His nail-scarred feet. And this God, who cares enough to show me my sin and purge it from me… He is so patient with my abrasive, rebellious, independent heart. He softens me into something vulnerable and delicate. I love the freedom He gives. I don’t have to strive; I can freely give as I freely receive.

2010-06-07T11:50:00.001-04:00

"If your affections are on earthly things, your mind will justify a life that allows you to focus on those things. Idolatry… pride… they will harden your heart slowly.”

- Matt Chandler

God, please keep my heart soft and malleable in Your hands. A hardened heart is my greatest fear.

what happened

2010-03-24T01:03:00.003-04:00

born into a heritage of faith, but he made it my own at age three or four.

what does that even mean?

i don't know.

but he took hold of me, opened my eyes.

mostly i saw black edges pressed against white spaces, occasionally getting close enough to discern that certain intersections had a grey fade.

then, one day, i started listening to a sermon series called "heart matters" by matt chandler. suddenly: color. and nothing since has ever been the same.

here it is, in case you want to listen. and you do.

1: the question
2: some answers
3: treasures
4: the talents
5: buying the field

it's about to get ugly

2010-03-11T02:35:00.003-05:00

Do you have a friend you can be ugly in front of?

Every week, H and I have a standing date with each other for AP (accountability partner) time, when we go through a detailed list of questions about our walks with God and our areas of sin. Prior to incorporating this list, I would've said our AP time was great, but it meandered and didn't ever really get deep or help me grow in the areas I wanted to. In comparison to where we are now, it's the difference between feeding your soul canned cat food with a rusty pocketknife versus being fork-fed a medium-rare filet.

If you're looking to put rocket boosters on your walk with God, consider this list, add to it whatever you feel is missing, and ask God to help you. (By the way, H and I each have our own sets of additional questions, because we're weak in different areas.) This list not for the faint of heart. It still terrifies me to go through it.

Note: Most of this list came to me compliments of Brad Cooper, the student ministry pastor at NewSpring Church.

Spiritual Disciplines:

- Did you have time with God in the Word and in prayer everyday this week?
- Did you have a Sabbath this week? (best to establish a regular day for it)
- What memory verse(s) did you learn this week? Recite them.
- Have you prayed frequently for me and my walk with the Lord?

Specific Areas of Sin:

A good practice for this section is to trace each sin you encounter back to the things that led to it. For instance, if you viewed sexual materials, what decisions led to that? What lies, sins, or situations contributed, and how can they be avoided in the future?

- Did you make healthy choices for your schedule (appropriate amounts of sleep, exercise, work, etc.) this week? Were you lazy or overly busy?
- Have you been in any compromising situations with a guy this week? "Compromising" can refer to an inappropriate situation itself or to questionable motives in an otherwise appropriate situation.
- Have you looked at porn, any sexual materials, or masturbated this week?
- Have you had too much to drink this week? (best to establish what this means for each individual and what their specific boundaries are.)
- Where have pride, fear, lust, jealousy, unbelief, etc. shown up in your heart this week? Have they taken root anywhere?

Relationship with God:

- How was your integrity as a leader this week (we both have visible positions of service at our local church)? "Integrity" is consistently walking in what you know to be true, regardless of situation or setting.
- Has God brought any new area of conviction/truth to you this week? How have you obeyed/disobeyed in response to that?
- Has there been or is there any rebellion in your life or your heart this week?

We don't answer with yes / no, but with detailed explanations. This kind of honesty is something I've never experienced on a regular basis, and it has already begun to shape me in ways I've always desired but never knew how to achieve. As a result, the friendship is growing into a place of even more freedom and beauty. I can show H the worst parts of me and, because she has shown me her ugliest sides too, there is a mutual acceptance that provides such a breeding ground for grace and mercy. I treasure it.

It's one of the most beautiful ugly things I've ever seen.

stir & steal

2010-03-08T04:22:00.004-05:00

A few days ago, J and I were wandering around Greenville and he asked me about my Sabbath. "What does it look like for you personally?"

Here's my answer:

Sabbath is my "reset" button. It's the day when I attempt to disconnect from most of the things that distract me, while making a concerted effort to re-evaluate my heart, my mind, and my actions to see whether or not I'm choosing Him in each area. Each week I evaluate my actions based on this idea:

"Find the things that stir your affections for Christ and saturate your life in them. Find the things that rob you of that affection and walk away from them. That’s the Christian life as easy as I can explain it for you." - Matt Chandler

What have I done in the past week that fed my affection for Christ? These are some of the things on my "stir" / "saturate your life with" list:

being outside
exercise
serving in the green room
D-Group
accountability meetings
spontaneous fun
fireworks & explosions
staring at the sky
soul-stirring music
loosely structured scheduling
traveling
talks about science and time travel
talks about God and theology
sermon podcasts
hanging out with good friends
spending time w/Jesus as soon as I wake
laughter
encouraging others
seeing and meeting people's needs

What have I done in the past week that pulled me away from Christ? These are some of the things on my "steal" / "eliminate from you life" list:

too much / not enough sleep
staying up too late (I do most of my sinning late at night)
drinking more than 2-3 drinks in a night
eating too much / little
spending too much time on the internet / facebook
laziness and passivity
sex scenes in movies
watching TV
certain magazines
listening to or participating in gossip
being selfish with my time, dreams, gifts, instead of Kingdom-focused
negative conversations
sexual songs
club scenes where debauchery is the goal

Because Sundays are usually workdays for me, I often take my Sabbath on Monday. Here's what went down last Monday:

Slept 8 hours
Read the Bible while eating breakfast
Sat in a park and did my Bible study for D-Group
Lunch with a friend
Piper podcast while running, Chandler podcast while working out
Showered
Coffee with a friend
Monday night D-Group
Sat on a porch, talking with friends

Sometimes I take a vow of silence for the better part of the day. Sometimes I fast. I try not to be legalistic about anything. I just want to make sure that it's not overly full or that it's not a lazy or "pampering" day. I can't tell you how much this has breathed life into my spirit.

But that doesn't happen from rest alone. The point of resting from distractions is so that I can pursue deeper intimacy with Christ and remind my heart that its focus should always be on Him. I get to push everything else aside and just love my Lover.

What stirs and steals your affections for Christ?

2010-03-04T05:49:00.000-05:00

“What you think about in your unguarded moments reflects what your mind dwells upon. What you speak about when your guard is down is a good gauge of what is in your heart (Matt. 12:34)…

The things you allow your mind to dwell on will be revealed by the way you live. If you focus on negative things, you will inevitably be a negative person. If you allow unholy thoughts to fill your mind, ungodliness will become common in your life. If you fill your mind with thoughts of Christ, you will become Christlike. What you fill your mind with is a matter of choice. (Phil. 4:8).”

—Henry Blackaby
03.04.10 devotional
www.blackaby.org

I am word in God's mouth...

2010-02-24T16:18:00.003-05:00

Bookstores feel like home to me. I used to stand in my family’s bookstore and wish I knew what all the books said without actually reading them. A few weeks ago I strolled the aisles of a big name bookstore, lightly tracing the spines of the books with the tips of my fingers, head tilted to the right, studying the fonts and letters of their names and authors, when it occurred to me:

Not only does God know everything these books say, but He knows what tree page 23 came from, He knows the man who planted that tree, and what was happening in that man’s life and heart when the tree was planted. God knows every person who stepped on that piece of ground before and since. And He holds all the information in His mind effortlessly.

This is the God who loves us. And for a broken person like me, that truth is infinitely comforting: to be known, fully, and yet still loved. How beautiful His love for us.

“In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.” - Psalm 139:16

i have so many questions

2010-02-21T01:20:00.001-05:00

- what does it mean to deny myself?

- what does it look like to submit my will to Yours?

- what do i do with emotions that dishonor You?

- how do I know which ones those are?

- is there a floor beneath that rug? no? what about the ground?

- how much does the universe weigh? all of that came from Your mouth?

- did my soul live with You before You built time?

- how much longer?

- how much longer?

- how much longer?

Doma

2010-02-15T22:13:00.002-05:00

Today's post in New York Daily Photo featured a picture of Doma, my favorite coffee shop in NYC. For those of you who read my 2nd book, Crowded Skies: Letters to Manhattan, you may recognize Doma as the place where I wrote most of the book.

In the picture on New York Daily Photo, the seat where I sat to write most of the book is where the gentleman in the gray pullover is sitting, on the far right edge of the photo.

Just wanted you all to see one of my favorite spots in all of Manhattan!

2010-02-08T02:23:00.001-05:00

...just in case you've forgotten.

on romanticizing pain

2010-02-06T23:06:00.003-05:00

I'm writing for a new album, and I've been reaching for some of those songs that capture the ache we've all felt. I love the way one line from a song or one scene from a movie can shatter a perfect day, precisely because it hits the spot.

This prompted a great conversation last night that I'm still spinning around in my head: Pain is unavoidable and natural, so how do you know when you've crossed the line from a healthy processing of pain into a detrimental indulging of it?

Everything in me begs, "I waaaant to feel that pain." But do those aching moments in art spin us into a place where we gorge ourselves on navel-gazing and pain-reveling, like a teenager bent on cutting herself? Do we romanticize the notion so much that we actually become more self-centered people who are now even further from healing than when we started?

If believers have eternal hope and fullness of joy available to us even in the midst of our pain, what's our responsibility to our hearts, minds, and spirits in light of such great redemption?

Is indulging our pain just a healthy part of the process? Or does it delay the process?

How do you feel about this?

the brain is more literal than previously thought

2010-02-03T15:00:00.002-05:00

this study from yesterday's NYT shows how abstract thoughts prompt literal physical responses. (thanks to James for the link.)

i have a friend who refuses to say things like, "this job is killing me," because of the potential impact on the body's response.

while i initially disagreed, scripture and this scientific claim from the Times seem to substantiate that somewhat. the book of proverbs says words can give life and take it (18:21). genesis tells us that God spoke the universe into existence (1:3). the only weapon in the armor of God is the Word (Eph. 6:10-20).

i have a theory that words might be the most powerful thing in the universe. while tone and body language convey intent, words alone are a force to be reckoned with. if words are power, and power corrupts... then what?

carried away...

2010-02-01T15:52:00.001-05:00

who even knows where heaven is? it might be in a dimension we don’t have access to at this point in time. who even knows if time has points? either way, here’s the thing:

whenever jesus comes back, whenever he rides in on the white horse and snatches us away to take us to heaven, i would like to discover that heaven is somewhere on the other side of the orion nebula, so that we can ride through it on horseback. this would be particularly awesome when we approach Barnard 33, the “horsehead” nebula area.

it won’t really matter in light of the eternal kingdom, i know. but as rational as i tend to be, my imagination refuses to throw in the towel.

I am most free when I am bound to Him.

2010-01-28T16:14:00.002-05:00

Nothing is a threat to the will of God.

Hundreds of scriptures speak the truth of His sovereignty.

My current favorite is Ps.138:8: "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me."

He will fulfill it. HE will. My assignment is to follow Him as closely as I can.

Walking with Him, I will certainly find myself closer to Him, which is what matters.

Additionally, I'm guaranteed to run into His plans for me.

This puts an incredible lightness in my step.

An indefatigable joy in my heart.

#5 Things I Love

2010-01-23T00:11:00.002-05:00

#5: D-Group

I know myself well enough to know that I will choose sin if I don't have people around me who also know my weak spots and who will refuse to let me yield to them. I also know humanity enough to know that we're all built like that.

One of the best pieces of advice my mentor ever gave me was: "Beware anyone who avoids accountability." It sounds similar to Solomon's advice in Proverbs 18:1. "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against sound judgment." It's true of me. When I refuse to answer to people, it's usually because I have something to hide.

So I gathered a group of girls around me in an effort to be honest with each other. We call it D-Group (short for Discipleship Group). The purpose of this sort of community wasn't just so we could feel less alone in our sin, but so that we could fight alongside each other. And by the grace of God, we've seen some unprecedented victories. When we fail each other (and we have), we immediately set out to confess, repent, forgive, and learn from our mistakes.

More than 40 people have been involved in D-Group since its advent in Feb 2009. We've split into separate groups, because we like to keep each group at 12 or less. Here's a photo from our All D-Group Christmas party.

These are the girls who fight with me for my heart and for the glory of God. I am so thankful for them.

The Ten.

2010-01-08T02:43:00.015-05:00

Weathering fallen hopes and unexpected failures will train your heart to hide in corners and shadows.

Or to shroud itself in anything impenetrable to prevent another breach of your pain threshold.

Time--if you're not careful--will teach your heart to fear. At least, that's what mine learned.

Last year, God told me that He wanted to teach me this instead.

Each day I reminded myself:

Put your hope in God,
Do not give way to fear.

I wanted so much to believe, for those words to own me.

He began to show me who He is and set me free... But it didn't feel like freedom at first.

It felt like His wrath.

He began by stripping away things that felt familiar and certain...

"Jesus absorbed Your wrath for me, right? Why this torture now?"

When I failed to be respond with faith in His words, faith in HIM actually, He pressed harder...

The process that felt like a cave was actually a tunnel. During much of it, I begged for an easy escape.

His healing only came to me when I actively wrestled my fear and made it submit to His love.

So when I woke in darkness on the first new mercies of this year, I asked Him, "What now?"

He took my hand, put my fingers to His lips, and quietly spoke Psalm 62:1-2 to me.

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."

Then He repeated Himself, the way He does when He means business:

Two hours after He led me to those words, I found a tiny scrap of paper someone had written them on.

And so my New Year's Resolution, if you can call it that, is to learn to wait for Him alone.

I don't know yet how to learn this, but I know that I have a patient, loving teacher.

I step into The Ten, lighter for lack of fear, heavier for weight of hope.

"All the waiting that I've done, all the waiting yet to do."

#6 Things I Love

2009-08-22T15:42:00.002-04:00

#6: Bucky Eye Mask

Call me a dork, but I love using an eye mask when I sleep. This one is my fave! It's all smooshy and soft. PLUS it has a little pocket up front where earplugs fit. It's perfect for flights. The strap is adjustable velcro, so it fits even the biggest craniums.

I'm on my 3rd Bucky. And I'll probably get a 4th soon. Me likey.

#7 Things I Love

2009-06-11T14:05:00.003-04:00

#7: Rita's Italian Ice Mango Gelati

Before I lived in a town that had a Rita's, I only had the pleasure of eating there a few times a year. But Anderson has a Rita's! So I must exercise restraint. It's tough. Because the combo of mango Italian ice and vanilla custard is like a big cloud of awesome raining joy and happiness into your taste buds.

Say hello to my favorite tasty treat. It's the one in the middle.

If you decide you'd like to try it for yourself, here's a handy-dandy list of locations.

#8 Things I Love

2009-06-08T23:28:00.004-04:00

#8: Anderson, SC

Where? It's where I live now. In case you're not up to date on TLC trivia, I moved from NYC to small town South Carolina in January. And I didn't really want to, but I knew God was calling me to do it.

Somewhere in the process, He changed my heart. I don't even know if it happened gradually or instantly. But it happened. And here's how I know:

1. I went back to NYC to visit last weekend.
2. It was exactly the same... the most glorious place on earth!!
3. Somehow, I wanted to leave the most glorious place and return to the place God has called me.

While Anderson is my home now, and NYC was my home then, what I realized on this trip is that God is my Home. And I'm okay to follow Him wherever He calls me, because it's where His peace surrounds and sustains me.

Actually, I'm better than okay to follow Him -- I'm ecstatic that I get to hear His voice at all, because even when He's not saying what I want to hear, the God of the Universe is speaking to me, directing me in His will because of His great love.

And that is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. In any city. And every city. :)

#9 Things I Love

2009-04-19T01:20:00.007-04:00

#9: Authority

God has been humbling me lately, showing me the limits of my so-called strength and wisdom. Here's an excerpt from part of that journey.

--

I started meeting with my first mentor the month I turned 18. She was in her mid 50's. She'd been married twice -- once before she became a Christian. She'd had an abortion. She knew life in a way I hadn't (and never wanted to). She modeled what it was like to love Jesus with all my heart.

Shortly thereafter, I started my career as a full-time musician. About a year into that process, I acquired another mentor -- a man in his late 40's. He'd been a musician for over 20 years, played nearly 40 instruments, and was loaded with theological insights. He modeled what it was like to love Jesus with all my mind.

My mentors have developed my faith to degrees that I cannot quantify. So... why did I start to feel so weak? My relationship with the Lord has been intimate and fulfilling... I've been growing via church and podcast sermons and books written by dynamic women of God... but I felt like I was starving...

Then I had an epiphany:

- I am a female (read: created to be led / Eph. 5:22-23).

- I am single (no husband to lead me).

- I run my own ministry, alone (i.e. not on a church staff). This accounts for about 60 hours of my week.

It's true that we're all under God's authority, but He designed us to submit to human authority as well. And while I'm under the authority of my dad and my pastor in a very real sense, it's not a personal, daily kind of authority. My ability to handle this reached its breaking point recently -- I needed more. I needed to soak up the lives of people who know God better than me and who have walked with Him longer. So I talked to my mentor, and she agreed to increase the number of times we meet and to bring her husband occasionally (to add another dimension). I set up a meeting with another older woman that I'd like to spend time with, too.

And suddenly, I started to feel safe again, strong again. Now, I hope, I am learning how to love God with all my strength. Somehow that must begin with realizing how very weak I am and that I must rely on Him even to give me the strength to love Him with.

I need weight above me. I crave godly authority. It allows me to rest. It strengthens me.

It's taboo to say this in modern America, but... I don't want to be in charge, and I don't care about independence. The authority structure is not something that man invented or even that God invented for mankind. It's something that has existed within the Holy Trinity for all eternity (I Cor 11:3), and we get to benefit from it.

Hallelujah!

#10 Things I Love

2009-02-24T22:02:00.004-05:00

#10: Words

You're going to hate me after this post, because it's kind of soapbox-y. But honestly, it's all in good fun. So here we go.

I have a handful of favorite words. Topping the list is "archipelago." I love a clever pun or a phrase with a flourish (like "a phrase with a flourish" for instance). I even like smashing words together to come up with new words (e.g. "friendationship").

My love for words has prompted me to keep a list of the non-words I encounter. The posers, if you will. They've been slowly creeping into our vocabulary, and I'd like to make a stab at eliminating them from our lexicon. Here we go:

- Comfortability / Uncomfortability
These two cause me great discomfort. I'd like to feel more comfort.

- Irregardless
Regardless of whether you think this is a word or not, you shouldn't use it.

- I's
Example of usage: "Come to Lisa and I's apartment."

This got really screwed up because teachers told us that we should always use "I" when referring to ourselves. But that's only part of the story. Without getting all Little, Brown Handbook on you, here's a quick way to determine whether you should use "I" or "me" in your sentence. How would you say that same sentence if Lisa weren't involved? You'd say, "Come to my apartment." Let's try another one. What about "Have dinner with Lisa and I?" Eliminate Lisa and what you're left with is, "Have dinner with I." FAIL.

Proper usage:

"Come to Lisa's and my apartment."
"Have dinner with Lisa and me."

One thing you can always bank on, though: "I's" is never a word.

I know you didn't ask for an English lesson, so feel free to send I your hate mail now. It will bring I great uncomfortability when Lisa and me read it. Teehee. :)

Irregardless,
TLC:)

#11 Things I Love

2008-12-11T14:50:00.003-05:00

#11: Gospel For Asia

If you're looking for an organization where you can sponsor a child or help dig a well, there are lots of go-to options. Here's why I chose Gospel For Asia.

- Every penny that I contribute goes directly to the child I sponsor. None of it is taken out for administrative purposes. Every person on staff with GFA raises their own financial support so that they don't have to draw from my donations.

- GFA promises that the child I sponsor will hear the Gospel every day at school. These children are taught to read via reading The Bible, so they learn about God's love for them for the first times in their lives, and often go home and share the Good News with their entire families. While many organizations can't guarantee that the Gospel will be shared with the children, many of GFA's missionaries risk their lives daily to share God's love even when they're beaten or their homes are burned as a result.

All that to say... I'm ecstatic about the new GFA Christmas Catalog! Christmas tends to drive me bonkers because everyone goes insane about gifts and presents and... frankly, I think it's a time of year when we instill selfishness into children and we continue to thrive on that greed throughout our adult lives. So let's turn the tide, shall we?

If you're still wondering what to get friends and family this year, please give something that will make a difference in the livelihood of struggling families in India. Gospel For Asia has options in all price ranges. You can find the rest at: GFA Gifts.

Gospel Literature: $1
Asian Language Bible: $3
8 New Testaments: $4
Blanket: $5
Chicken: $11
Vocational Training: $30
BioSand Water Filter: $30
Pigs: $55
Sewing Machine: $85
Bicycle: $110
Goats: $120
Jesus Wells: $1,000
New House: $5,000

I also recommend combining your money with a friend or Bible study group to do this as an act of charity during this Christmas season!

#12 Things I Love

2008-11-04T16:18:00.002-05:00

#12: Days when the air is the same temperature as the surface of your skin

Oh wow. It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, I've been busy with lots of life-changes and such. Also, I have a hand that is swollen to the size of a SmartCar. Apparently my joints are swelling and exploding with anger toward me. So while I'm tempted to list my #12 as "My Regular-Sized Left Hand," I will refrain. After all, the doctor prescribed some meds that are supposed to reduce this business within a week. Here's hoping.

By the way, it doesn't feel good to type with most of my left hand's fingers, so I've been doing this thing where I poke around with my right hand only. TEDIOUS.

So... Fave #12. I'm in South Carolina right now, crashing here between shows. The weather at lunchtime was 74. And while I've never taken the external temperature of my skin (I know I'm supposed to be 98.6 on the inside, but who knows about the outside? I'd google it but yeah... again with the one hand thing), I'm guessing it's somewhere around 72-75. Because that feels absolutely perfect.

I could sit outside forever on days like this, staring at my giant Stay-Puft Marshmallow Hand.

P.S. Yes, this does make it difficult to play concerts. I'm hoping my skillz will return to their former glory soon!

#13 Things I Love

2008-10-04T02:57:00.005-04:00

#13: Books

I was built to love books. It isn't necessarily in my DNA, but it's certainly in my family. Somehow I learned to wrap my chubby fingers around a book and start reading at age three (probably because I have five older siblings who taught me). My family owns a bookstore, and I began accumulating stacks by my bed when I was six. Nancy Drew was my drug of choice. As well as the little "Our Daily Bread" pamphlets from the church foyer. I heard a preacher say that you can read a chapter of Proverbs for every day of the month, and I started doing that regularly when I was about eight. Some nights, when I was scared, I just read Proverbs 3:24-26 over and over. For a long time, I never touched the rest of the Bible--just Proverbs.

The only fight I ever got into with any of my siblings was with my brother Jason, who accused me of stealing his Lord of the Rings box set. By the way, it was totally mine. Not his. The great irony here is that I don't even like the Lord of the Rings books and only read them because Kemper made me.

In fact, I don't really like fiction much at all. Particularly fantasy fiction. Although there certainly are exceptions, especially Ester's forthcoming book, which is nothing less than brilliant. In general, though, I don't care to read about things that don't exist or relationships that are impossibly perfect. What I lean toward are books about Jesus, biographies, historical non-fiction (particularly about Presidents or giant explosions), memoirs, business books, and leadership books.

Reading helps me engage and grow. It provides me with a variety of topics for conversation, and it feeds my hungry skull. (Later, over sushi, Ester will remind me that "skulls don't eat," and I will acknowledge that she is right while maintaining my preference for awkward personification.)

What do you read?

We interrupt this blog series...

2008-09-25T08:22:00.004-04:00

...to bring you some news from Gospel For Asia, the organization I work with in India that builds schools for the Dalit children. If you've been to a concert, you may have heard me talk about them. At any rate, I got this email from one of the women on staff yesterday. These are our brothers and sisters. Prayers appreciated.

It's been an extremely sobering time for us here at the office, we are experiencing something that, apparently we have never seen before in India which is an organized attack against Christians by the fanatical religious groups who believe India should be an entirely Hindu nation.

This all happened with the murder of a leader of the VHP (a radical fundamentalist Hindu group). The media and other radicals have shifted the blame to Christians, and now they are constructing organized attacks against our churches and colleges.

The other night we were praying for an all girls college who - as we found out from an urgent report - were surrounded by a mob... The people are so scared right now, many of them are hiding in jungles and have no idea where their families are.

There's some information here that I found really helpful in better understanding the situation and of course, our website also has what's going on more from the perspective of our specific work.

Here's some stories of what's happening, not in the media but from an independent Christian blogger.

Religious violence in Orissa explained in this video

#14 Things I Love

2008-09-22T10:04:00.010-04:00

#14: Peter Kim

Who is Peter Kim? Don't worry -- I'll get to that. But first, I want to tell you what makes me love him.

Last night, my pastor (Dr. Tim Keller) raised an interesting question: "Why do Christians want other people to become Christians? Why can't they just mind their own business and let other people believe whatever they want?"

Then, being the smart man that he is, he offered this response: Jesus yields explosive, life-changing joy. Explosive, life-changing joy. It is emotionally inconsistent, and possibly even unhealthy, not to share that and to want others to experience it.

Maybe you watched a film that moved you or read a book that stirred your soul. Most likely, you left wanting those you know and care about to see it, you wanted their souls to be stirred, too. At the very least, you wanted to tell them the plot over lunch and see if it awakened in them the very thing it awakened in you. Now imagine that the film took on an eternal weight and power, and that you could carry its joy with you not just forever, but for today, too -- in traffic, on the crowded platform waiting for the delayed train, in your chaotic office working for an angry boss, to your broken home. That is Jesus. Salvation isn't just for eternity, it's for today.

So when I met Peter Kim, he had that explosive joy thing written all over his face. I was walking through the streets of Seoul, South Korea, with three other Americans when he approached us. He grabbed my hand and introduced himself. Forgetting the language barrier and ignoring social mores, he asked our names, smiled at us, and walked with us for a bit. Then, in the pieces of English that he knew, he asked, "You know Jesus Christ?"

I didn't understand him at first. I had been almost put off by his eagerness. But then I knew: this is my brother. His approach is different than mine, but we are family. My heart warmed toward him instantly. And the joy that propels him to speak to me is the joy that propels me daily. Inevitably, some of us will screw it up. Some of us treat the good news like a blatant threat. But screaming on street corners about hell isn't going to communicate explosive joy. Then again, neither is silence. Peter Kim is working to find the balance, and I commend him for that.

Some may call it infringing on personal boundaries, but I call it love.

#15 Things I Love

2008-09-14T22:05:00.007-04:00

#15: Brunch

I have amassed a collection of Brunch Facts & Myths for your amusement. All facts are factual. All myths are mythical. Money-back guarantee!

Myth: Brunch, being the smooshination (I made the word up) of breakfast and lunch, must by definition occur between breakfast hours and lunch hours.

Fact: Although we didn't invent it, NYC has perfected the art of brunch. And since we're the City That Never Sleeps and our bars stay open til 5am and people can barely drag themselves out of bed on the weekends, our official brunch hours are 10am - 4pm. However, most restaurants start serving brunch at either 11am or noon. Don't ever try to eat brunch before 10am or you will have a hard life.

Myth: "Oh, brunch! You can get that at Waffle House 24-7-365. Or IHOP! I just love IHOP!"

Fact: Seriously? I don't even have time to deal with you right now. Take it back.

Fact: The best way to make the most of brunch is to go in groups of 2-4. More than 4 is too many or you will never get a table in this City. If you're elsewhere, take up to 6 or even 8. But remember that conversation is the true food of brunch. Eww. I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. It's true, but still... it makes me feel all Chicken Soup for the Soul or something.

Fact: The best way to order is to do what my friends and I refer to as "A Split." For example, one of us will order an egg/protein dish and the other will order a carb-laden tray of body-killing breads and sugars. Then we split it. That way, we get our carbs and our sweets without having too much of either one. And then we die alone.

Bittersweet Story: My favorite brunch spot in the City has always been a 20-seat hole in the wall called Ninth Street Market. It's a beautiful room with brick walls and a fireplace and fresh flowers on each table. Locals line up an hour early--before the staff even shows up, hoping to get in with the first seating. I had a friend in town for my birthday in May, and he suggested that we go there, but the line seemed too long. Then, somehow, we got in right away. We sat for a couple of hours, talking and drinking coffee and enjoying A Split. The next morning, the owner woke up and didn't want to run a restaurant anymore, so he put all the dishes and chairs on the sidewalk. He fired everyone and put up a "For Rent" sign.

I've had a hard time finding a place I like as much, but I'm not going to stop trying. Every week I'll try out 2 places and see if there are any contenders. If you find yourself in the City on a weekend, drop me an email and I'll tell you my favorite brunch spots!

#16 Things I Love

2008-09-12T10:20:00.005-04:00

#16: Blogs

In honor of my 200th post (woooo!!), I am blogging about my love for blogs. How very meta.

I use the Bloglines RSS feeder, and it has ruined me forever. My daily blogroll includes 77 blogs. Some of the news sites update 50+ times a day. I don't read all the posts but I scan at the very least. I know it's a bit of a "choose your news" situation, and that can be scary, but I try to maintain balance and pull from several outlets. I don't want to narrow the scope of my information and exposure so that it only serves to fuel my current viewpoints.

Some of the other things I read about are: new restaurants in NYC, sales in NYC, real estate in NYC, and um... several blogs by other leaders in the church and people in ministry.

What are your favorite blogs?

#17 Things I Love

2008-09-09T23:25:00.006-04:00

#17: Fashion (in honor of Spring Fashion Week in NYC, which is this week!)

I didn't know an ounce about fashion before I moved to NYC. Somehow I got wrapped up with a bunch of models when I first moved to the City, and the information was imparted to me via osmosis.

I'm not a fashion snob, though. Labels don't mean much to me, and I don't need my style to be perceived as expensive (which is one reason I don't buy fake bags in Chinatown). In fact, I'm quite the frugal shopper. I'll shop on eBay or at TJ Maxx and rarely do I pay full price.

I love outfits that are feminine, creative, and well articulated. If it doesn't catch my eye right off, I pass. That's how I happened upon my favorite purchase from the spring. It's weird and it only cost $12, but I will keep it forever. Tada!

#18 Things I Love

2008-09-09T10:19:00.002-04:00

#18: Redemption

Today is a Psalm 38 kind of day. Which is to say -- I am such a broken person in need of God's nearness and help. Even as I sit and type this, I am wrestling with God a bit. I'm not angry with Him -- I'm just tired. I don't really understand a few of the things He is talking to me about, and I don't know what it looks like to put one foot in front of the other when I'm so confused and exhausted.

But I know this: through my tears of frustration, through confusing conversations with Him, through my disobedience and delay, He carries me. His redemptive love is all-encompassing. He never sleeps, He is never frantic, He is never confused or tired. He can do all the things I cannot.

And I need Him more than answers.

#19 Things I Love

2008-09-08T08:30:00.004-04:00

#19: New York City

Oh, did you think I wasn't going to mention it? Are you kidding? I can't even make it through a day without several hundred thoughts about how awesome this City is and how blessed I am to live here.

Here's a short video about a day in the City that makes me smile.

My favorite line is "The whirlwind has become a breeze." I love the dual meaning of that. Love it. So true.

And if you are paying close attention, there's a brief shot where you'll see a glimpse of my subway stop and the orange Mud Truck beside it. It's when the screen says "except to return." Which is what I always want to do.

#20 Things I Love

2008-09-02T01:58:00.005-04:00

#20: Paris

This past February, I went to Europe for the first time. I hadn't taken a vacation in eight years, and I happened upon a roundtrip flight to London for $300. My friend Jane took a week off work and we hopped across the pond to visit London. In case you haven't heard, the American dollar is about as strong as a third grade Mathlete, especially when compared to the Pound. But thanks to my dear friend Dovie, we had a flat to stay at for free, thereby making it entirely possible for us to visit. London was incredible!

Since the trip was fairly cheap by most standards of international travel, we decided to buy a $90 flight to Paris for a couple of days. Almost immediately upon landing, I was smitten. Smitten. Jane used her champion internet skills to land us a $100 room at the Paris Hilton. (Hah!) It was a couple of blocks from the Eiffel Tower, so we walked around the tower, across the river, grabbed some food, and slowly made our way back at 4:00 a.m. I despised my body's sleep requirements. I didn't want to waste a moment.

I could talk at length about my time in Paris, but the summary would be this: I cannot wait to go back.

Here are two of favorite photos from the trip. The first is the view from the awning under our hotel. The second is a restaurant that Jane and I ate at one night. It was uber-romantic, which means it totally sucked to be there with each other. Hah!

#23 - #21 Things I Love

2008-09-01T15:09:00.004-04:00

Labor Day Extravaganza!! 200% More Blog for Your Money!

#23: Sermon Podcasts!!!
Some of you only get excited on the rare Tuesday when your favorite artist releases a new album every two years, but *I* get to experience that same excitement every Monday morning when I open up my iTunes account and get the free download of sermons from my favorite churches. Here is my Must Listen List:

- Matt Chandler, The Village Church (Denton, TX)
- Perry Noble, NewSpring Church (Anderson, SC)
- Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill Church (Seattle, WA)

I also love:

- Tim Keller, Redeemer Presbyterian (New York, NY) - But you have to buy the sermons
- Greg Pinkner, Fellowship E-Free (Knoxville, TN)
- Francis Chan, Cornerstone Community Church (Simi Valley, CA)

#22: Toyota Camry

I'm on my 3rd Camry. I drove the first for 300,000 miles and sold it for $2000 while it was still running perfectly. I drove the second for 200,000 miles and sold it to my niece for $5000 while it was still running perfectly. I'm up to 70,000 miles on my current Camry. The love affair continues. If you know any of the suits at Toyota and wanna tell them to give me a free Camry next time, I'll gladly be the Jared to their Subway commercial. Bring it on.

#21: PedEgg

I longed for the PedEgg when I saw the infomercials, but I refused to buy anything off an infomercial. Eventually they appeared on an endcap at my local Walgreen's and I snatched one up for $9.99 (no shipping)!! Almost instantly my feet were restored to their original beauty... free of the daily grime from New York streets and callouses from runs at the gym. Soft as a baby's... foot. Whee!!

#24 Thing I Love

2008-08-26T01:06:00.003-04:00

#24: My mattress

After a show in Lexington, Kentucky, the venue put me up at a local hotel. The posh rooms featured a gift basket with all manner of awesomeness: an eye mask, lotions, lavender pillow spray, a night light. On the bed beside the gift basket, I noticed a small placard advertising the company that made the mattress. It was TempurPedic.

I'd never had a better night's sleep in my life. I told everyone about it. I fantasized about owning a mattress like it. Alas, they were far beyond my means. UNTIL... Overstock.com started advertising TempurPedic-esque mattress toppers. I bought the 3" topper for about $100. The mattress that it currently tops is at least 20 years old, possibly 30 (I don't know for sure, because I inherited it from my grandparents), but it is still the most comfortable bed known to man.

Thank God for memory foam.

25 Things I Love

2008-08-22T15:13:00.006-04:00

A friend of mine is doing a series of blog posts called "25 Things I Love." Since I am in a bit of a blog-drought (induced by my book writing process, which has stolen all my creative energy), I am going to use her idea as fodder for new entries. Some of these may be things you've heard me mention before... if so, then I must really love those things to want to mention them to you multiple times.

Also, they aren't in order. So if I happen to mention that I love "The Bible" in #14 and "iced coffee" in #12, please don't take that as an indication that I prefer caffeine to the Word of the Lord, mmkay? Here we go:

#25: Thomas' Sahara Whole Wheat Pita + Tribe 40 Spices Hummus

The proper way to consume these products is to run water over both sides of the pita, shake it off, then throw it in the microwave for 15-20 seconds (I'm partial to 17). Then put a scoop of the hummus, which ideally will be cold from refrigeration, beside the pita. Not inside. Not on top. Not even touching it. Pull off pieces of the pita and swipe it through the hummus. Mmmm... perfect, right?

I've tasted a vast array of pitas and they all fall short of Thomas' Sahara. Also, I like many other types of hummus, but 40 Spices bites back, and it's not nearly as bad for you as other types! Bonus!

Mid-Year's Resolutions

2008-07-23T15:01:00.004-04:00

This is the year of TLC for TLC. In other words, I've been trying to get my crap together so that I can be the best version of myself for God, others, and myself. My New Year's Resolutions were:

- Part of my day that nothing infringes on #1: Jesus.
Reading the Word, praying, listening to Him, listening to sermons (Matt Chandler, Perry Noble, Mark Driscoll, Tim Keller, and Greg Pinkner are my faves).

- Part of my day that nothing infringes on #2: Gym.
I've lost 30 pounds this year, and I'm not stopping there. Bring it.

Here are the ways that God has brought other healthy changes in my life and what I've done to work that out:

- Overhauled my schedule to where I work no more than 40 hours a week. That's a big deal for me. I used to work around 80-100.

- Tried to get 8 hours sleep at night. I spent 8 years getting 4-5 hours per night, so I'm seeing the benefits of sleep now for sure!

- Narrowed my commitments and prioritized my relationships according to the places and the people with whom I believe God wants me to spend my time. I need people who mentor me, people to mentor, and people to be on the level with -- and most of these need to be people who are in my life on a regular, frequent basis.

- Visited the doctors that I've been avoiding. It ended up being far more encouraging than I ever thought! Woo!

Most surprising thing I've learned during this time.

During this overhaul of my life, I realized that I'm more of an introvert than I ever knew. That doesn't mean that I don't love people -- I so do! It means that I re-charge when I'm alone. I need downtime. The best way that I can serve the people I meet on tour is to have lots of time alone to order my head and my heart. I've been slighting audiences for years, and it breaks my heart that I'm just now realizing this. I am so sorry to all of you who have gotten less than the best I have to offer. I'm doing what I can to fix that, but sometimes it may look like I'm not offering as much by way of time.

Here are the things I'm resolving to stick to for the rest of the year:

1. Gym. Every single day that I'm home and every possible day that I'm on the road.
2. Finish the new book by the end of September, edits and all.
3. Churn out at least 4 songs that I LOVE by the end of the year.
4. Try very hard to get at least 7 hours sleep each night. If possible, 8 hours.

Now it's out there for everyone to see. The past 7.5 months have been awesome, and I'm looking forward to the ways God will grow me and change me during the rest of 2008. Wooooo!!!

By Comparison

2008-07-20T16:54:00.004-04:00

People often comment on how NYC has the most beautiful people in the world (and yes, we do), but here's something to remember: while some people are naturally beautiful, others spend small fortunes to look that way. Not just on plastic surgery, but on laser skin resurfacing, cellulite massages, personal trainers, organic meals, toxic cleanses, hair stylists, manicures, pedicures, waxing, tanning, stylists, etc.

Hear me out on this: It doesn't mean that people who don't invest in those things are better than the people who do. OR worse than them. It just means that if you can't afford to spend the $20,000 a month that Jennifer Aniston does to maintain her beauty, then you shouldn't feel inadequate when you compare yourself to her.

One of my desires is that I will stop comparing myself to others. It's not what God intended when He created us -- it turns us into divisive, catty, selfish people. I pray that God will heal those broken parts in us and restore us into people who will encourage and lift up our sisters with words of life.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. - Phil. 2:3

Cooking Up Some Awesome

2008-07-15T01:06:00.005-04:00

Some of you may not know this, but I studied cooking at one point. I was so passionate about it then, but I haven't really gotten to do it much since I started touring. These days, even though my schedule has slowed, I live in an apartment with a kitchen that is roughly the size of my pancreas. I crave a big, open kitchen with lots of space to dance around in while I cook and bake.

In NYC, eating out is a fairly normal thing to do. Depending on where you're willing to eat, it's not much more expensive than cooking at home. There's a place in my neighborhood that will give you a free pizza (yes, a whole pizza) for every beer you buy.

That's all well and good, but I wanna sling some batter! So I'm trying to cook more. And I want to tell you about this superb new device I purchased for $4 at TJ Maxx! It has been assisting me in my attempts not to burn myself as I maneuver my body into the positions required to fit all four limbs into my kitchen simultaneously. Behold, The Grabber:

It's a step up from the OveGlove. An even bigger step up from the traditional oven mitt. This is something even a dude could use without shame. It's not frilly. And you can order it here for $7.99 if you can't find one in the stacks at TJ Maxx.

Now... off to defrost something made of meat.

Light for the Journey

2008-07-12T03:50:00.008-04:00

I'm still reflecting on the whole "angry with God" thing I mentioned a couple of posts ago, and I can't get over how profound it was for me. I tend to be such a "God is awesome!" person, all smiles when it comes to Jesus. Had I not gone through that, I would've missed out on something crucial to the development of my relationship with Him.

In that time, I saw what it was like to feel at odds with God, to lay out my questions for Him like Job did, knowing all along that He would be able to come back at me with things like, "Who commands the morning?... Who carves a channel for the lightning bolt?" (Job 38) I fought with Him, I struggled. And in that, I saw the hearts of some of my friends... people who live in that place instead of just renting a room there, like I did. Their struggles prompt a depth in me that I wouldn't have otherwise, because it shows me a different aspect of what a relationship with God can look like. It's not all sunlight on oceans... sometimes it is walking in the dark with barely enough light for your feet and you're squinting and cold and tired. (Psalm 119:105) But it is all still God, and it is all still His Love.

More than anything, I think my frustration with God helped me to understand a little more about the depth of His commitment to me. If I knew anything, it was that He would not leave me. He couldn't. If someone was going to leave, it would've been me... but not even that was possible. I am sewn into Him. Inextricably. This is commitment. Through joy and anger, ups and downs, I am my Beloved's and He is mine.

I want to go back to the thing I said earlier about light. "Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." The foot-lamp referred to provided only enough light for the next step... it didn't illuminate the whole path. That kind of light can be frustrating when I want to see the end of the journey, but ultimately, it keeps me near Him. I keep having to ask, "What now, God? Where do You want me to step now? How can I please You in this situation?" And He, in His love and mercy, keeps answering.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, my Lover, my Husband, my Lamp.

~TLC

P.S. I really want to say "I love Lamp" here... just go with it. :)

The Love Boat

2008-07-09T02:38:00.002-04:00

Last week a very dear friend surprised me with the opportunity to go on a cruise for free, and I gladly accepted! One day I was heading to the ship's gym, preparing to listen to a Mark Driscoll sermon while sweating. I put my headphones in and prayed a quick prayer, asking God to speak to me. I turned to look out the window and this is what I saw... a sunlight heart on the Atlantic Ocean. As soon as I snapped the shot, I took my phone down and it was gone. Just like that.

I took the picture with my Blackberry, but the quality is good enough that I can use it as my laptop wallpaper. Just a fun little reminder for you and for me: He loves you.

Angry with God

2008-07-08T01:11:00.005-04:00

I met Jesus when I was four years old. It is my second memory. I don’t have a clue what life is like without Him, because He has been with me for as long as I can remember. The most intimate relationship in my life is (and always will be) with Him.

But recently, I experienced a new thing in my relationship with Him: deep, true anger. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’m not an angry person in general—I don’t yell or have emotional outbursts—and I can only recall maybe one other time when I felt resentment toward God. The worst and most dangerous thing I could imagine would be to give God the silent treatment, so I told Him my thoughts. I wrote four pages in my journal… questions, accusations, fears. I knew He wouldn’t be threatened by my words. He knows them all; they don’t surprise Him.

Even as I tore across the pages with my pen, I knew that God stood by, loving me. I knew that He understood more about my situation than I did. And I knew my anger was rooted in selfishness – the kind of thing that says, “I have a better idea than You. You aren’t listening. You owe me more than this.” My feelings proved to me that I didn’t trust God to be God… I thought I could do a better job. My anger was—at its root—sin.

It hurt me not to trust Him. It scared me to be angry with Him – not so much because I feared His wrath (Jesus bore that for me on the cross), but because I do not even know how to breathe without Him. Being upset with Him felt like a crack in the surface of the universe… I couldn’t bear the distance I was choosing to put between us. I became aware of my great need for more faith in Him. I prayed, “Lord, I believe… help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

In His love, He rescued me from my own anger. As I hurled my fists at Him, He embraced me. And in case you’re in a place of being angry with God (or even doubting His existence), here are two significant things that helped me work through things:

The Shack – a controversial book with a few theological flaws, but that ultimately served to remind me of the relationship I have with God. If you have doubts (even if you’re not a Christian), this is a phenomenal read.

This sermon by Perry Noble – I will probably think about this sermon for the rest of my life. I’m not kidding. Watch it or listen to it.

I don't know if or when I'll be angry with Him again, but I'm grateful that He walked me through it. And I can even appreciate that the experience might allow me to understand what some of you are dealing with. So, tell me your story... what has it been like for you when you've been angry with God? How did you handle it? What was the result?

Getting out of God's Way

2008-07-02T14:14:00.002-04:00

A while back I wrote a note on my mirror that said, “How can I reflect You today?” I immediately felt like it was a little too cheesy-punny for me so I changed it to “What can I do for You today?” The point of the question remained, though: what attitudes can I have, what actions can I take, what smiles can I offer… to show the love of Christ to the people I encounter?

Sometimes God answers me with something very specific – He tells me to call someone and pray for her or He tells me to encourage a certain person with His words. But sometimes it’s the really hard stuff that doesn’t look at all glamorous… sometimes it is “Do your roommate’s dishes.”

I've been blessed with many great roommate relationships, so please know that I’m not using this as a space to vent frustrations. This is about MY flaws. I am selfish, and living with others has revealed this to me on a few levels, but mainly this: when things are left in the sink, I get frustrated. I used to wash my own things and leave hers sitting in the sink, sometimes for weeks. It was a passive-aggressive move, for sure—intended to convey the message, “I am keeping score.”

One night at 2:00 a.m., I returned from a month-long tour, knowing that the sink would be full of the dishes my roommate had accumulated while I was away. I started to get frustrated before I even got home. “It’s not my job to clean up after her mess!” I thought. “I paid rent for a month on a place I didn’t even see and now I have to come home to a filthy kitchen and clean it. It’s not my job!”

And that’s when God interrupted me and said, “Yes. It is.”

And then I started to remember things like, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” “Consider others as better than yourself.” “Serve one another in love.”

Um. Ouch. Yes, God. You washed the feet of Your betrayers. You said to bless those who curse us, so the very least I can do is lovingly serve a roommate that I adore. And here’s the other thing: These acts of “love” are pointless if I continue to keep score in my head. I can’t walk around thinking, “Look at me… I’m washing her dishes without even complaining. I hope she notices.” Or “I did her dishes. I’m such a servant. I’m really being like Jesus.”

Being like Jesus implies the willingness to forget myself, to commit the act of love without trying to draw attention to it, to die to self in a way that completely extinguishes the desire for validation or reciprocity.

So when I wake up and ask God “What can I do for You today?” and God says, “Love your roommate. Do her dishes,” I know it’s going to be a lesson in self-forgetfulness, which I desperately need. God, help me.

NEW ALBUM OUT TODAY!! Only $6.93 !

2008-06-24T11:24:00.008-04:00

My new album, Playing Favorites releases today! I recorded this album in January with producers Josh Wilson and Lee McDerment (Lee also sang some BGVs and played piano on it, by the way). It's one of my favorite things I've ever done, seriously!

And guess what... you can get it on iTunes for only $6.93.

Click here to buy it!

Songs include:

- Rain
- Please Forgive Me
- Walking on Sunshine
- Holding out for a Hero
- Everlasting Love
- I Wonder
- Hallelujah / Thy Word

Pick it up and let me know what you think!!
~TLC:)

Practicing What I Preach

2008-06-24T01:53:00.003-04:00

For a while, I’ve been practicing not looking at men. I don’t mean “looking” at them – I mean looooooking at them. I even exchanged my primary crush on the bald beauty of Bruce Willis for the striking stature of the Chrysler Building.

Recently, though, I was with a male friend and commented on how much I respected that I’ve never seen him stare at a woman. Ever. (And yes, he’s completely heterosexual.) “It’s not easy,” he said. “But I set my mind to it and it comes easier with time.” He said he thought it was probably more difficult for him to not let his eyes trail a woman than for me in my efforts with men. So I tried to put myself in his shoes and perform a one-week experiment of not staring at women.

Initially, I thought I mostly looked at women to admire their fashion. I was wrong. Way wrong. On day one, I realized that I would stare at an attractive woman in workout clothes longer than a well-dressed but unattractive woman. I deduced that my purpose in looking at women was actually to assess their value, to judge them as “worthy” or “unworthy” of love. The attractive people were “worthy,” of course. This disgusted me about myself.

I realized that, in my weaker moments, I compared myself to other women. Someone once told me that comparison is a joy-stealer. Not only that, but it ignores the image of God that He has placed in that person.

If it makes me sick to see men leering at a woman, why would I let myself do it? Of course, I don’t offer the pathetic catcall that he does, but I’m still focusing on the same things. Maybe he’s lusting after her, but I’m judging her. It’s causing me to stumble too, just in a different way... I stumble into pride or vanity or self-condemnation.

By the end of the week, it had become much easier not to look. And a funny thing happened—I think I developed a stronger sense of confidence. I always thought I had a pretty healthy self-image, but this trained me in a new way. I even found that I had less of a desire to linger on TV shows or magazines that featured a parade of beauties. I didn’t want to judge myself against their standard or judge them against my own.

I’m doing what I can to kill this thing in me… this monster of self. So I decided to keep it up—not just for that weeklong experiment, but as a general method of operation. In an unexpected way, this new restriction kind of set me free. Weird.

Plight of the Single Man - Part 2

2008-06-19T00:06:00.002-04:00

(Continued from yesterday's post)

Common mistakes:
- Aiming too low. When a man is afraid he won’t be able to fulfill a woman, or when he's lazy, or when he wants to "rescue" someone, he “marries down” (intellectually, spiritually, etc.) to ensure he’ll always be enough.
- Looking for your exact opposite. While some opposites complement, others detract. Just because you can offer financial prowess doesn’t mean it’s wise to marry someone who can’t even balance her checkbook.

The best thing to do is to look for someone who needs nearly the exact measure of what you have to offer. If you’re a man of intellectual depth, it’s not going to serve you well to marry a dense woman. You may be able to meet her intellectual needs, but eventually you will feel that your gifts are being wasted, and you won’t find the satisfaction of using your gifts. You will become bored, because she won’t be able to stimulate you in that area. But marrying a woman who is your intellectual equal will serve as a continual source of fulfillment. And it will challenge you to greater heights.

If you possess spiritual insight, there are women out there who are praying for men who can challenge them in that area. They long for a man who is strong enough to lead them. You will find greater fulfillment in that area than in marrying a woman who isn’t your equal.

In short: think of what you have to offer and look for the kind of woman who needs it in the measure that you possess it. Being appreciated and respected for what you have to offer will be far more fulfilling and stimulating than trying to figure out what you want.

Thoughts? Criticisms? Hit me up in the comments.

Plight of the Single Man - Part 1

2008-06-18T01:00:00.001-04:00

Man, oh man...

2008-06-17T01:18:00.010-04:00

Men, this might be revolutionary for you. This week, I had three conversations with guy friends who were struggling to find the right woman. They wanted to know why I didn’t address that in my recent week of blogging. And well, I kind of did (although it was directed toward women, I think it fits both sexes). But in the meantime, an even more interesting answer has presented itself. Stay with me…

Not long ago I read a really embarrassing book because a friend begged me to. I’ve read tons of relationship books, but this book taught me entirely new things. Some of this might seem archaic to you. If it does, read the book. Dr. John Gray makes better sense of it than I can.

One of the main things of note: A man derives his deepest satisfaction and fulfillment in a relationship by giving to a woman. A woman derives her greatest joy from receiving. The way this plays out over the course of a relationship is multi-tiered. But here’s the way I think it applies specifically to “finding the right woman.”

“When a man focuses on what he wants, he is sure to miss the woman for him. When he focuses on the question, ‘Am I the right man for her?’ then he will find clarity…” (Dr. John Gray)

Since men are happiest when they give, they’re missing the point by trying to figure out what they want to get. The better question to ask is, “What do I have to offer? And what kind of woman would be the best recipient of that?” Because when a man offers those things to a woman, he will find his greatest pleasure in being what she needs.

Common mistakes:
- Aiming too low. When a man is afraid he won’t be able to fulfill a woman, or when he's lazy, or when he wants to "rescue" someone, he “marries down” (intellectually, spiritually, etc.) to ensure he’ll always be enough.
- Looking for your exact opposite. While some opposites complement, others detract. Just because you can offer financial prowess doesn’t mean it’s wise to marry someone who can’t even balance her checkbook.

The best thing to do is to look for someone who needs nearly the exact measure of what you have to offer. If you’re a man of intellectual depth, it’s not going to serve you well to marry a dense woman. You may be able to meet her intellectual needs, but eventually you will feel that your gifts are being wasted, and you won’t find the satisfaction of using your gifts. You will become bored, because she won’t be able to stimulate you in that area. But marrying a woman who is your intellectual equal will serve as a continual source of fulfillment. And it will challenge you to greater heights.

If you possess spiritual insight, there are women out there who are praying for men who can challenge them in that area. They long for a man who is strong enough to lead them. You will find greater fulfillment in that area than in marrying a woman who isn’t your equal.

In short: think of what you have to offer and look for the kind of woman who needs it in the measure that you possess it. Being appreciated and respected for what you have to offer will be far more fulfilling and stimulating than trying to figure out what you want.

Thoughts? Criticisms? Hit me up in the comments.

Working in the Arts

2008-06-13T02:32:00.003-04:00

*The NY Times has a report on the N.E.A.’s study of working artists (including architects and designers) in the United States.

Interesting tidbits:

- “More Americans identify their primary occupation as artist than as lawyer, doctor, police officer or farm worker.”
- “More than one in four artists live in California and New York, where their sheer numbers are overwhelming compared to the artist colonies in other states.”
- “Overall, artists make more than the national median income.”

One of my favorite quotes of late is from Aubrey Spears: "Truth has bigger muscles in art." I've heard that gun control activists made very little difference in the legislation... until someone wrote a movie called Bambi. Then things shifted dramatically. Art opens up people's hearts, softens their core.

Want to change the world? Want to impact culture using your gifts? Come to New York.

*Via Tom & Alissa

You CAN buy me love. Yes, you can.

2008-06-11T13:11:00.002-04:00

Maybe you know about my big crush... And you can make all of my dreams come true.

So... who's got $800 mil for me? Anyone? Anyone?

Bueller?

I Am A River.

2008-06-11T01:09:00.003-04:00

I wrote this a while back after a conversation with a girlfriend who compared women to water. I thought it was interesting. What are you?

I AM A RIVER

Darci said we are all like water.

Some of us are rain—alternating quiet with raging intensity, dramatically moving from place to place.

Others are lakes—docile and serene and contained. They are a nice place to go to get away.

Still others are oceans—wild and uncontained, but with the occasional buried treasure.

And then there are rivers—the place for adventure and sometimes peace, but always in motion, moving in the same direction.

I am a river.

Maybe an ocean.

No, a river.

A Day Late

2008-06-07T04:06:00.001-04:00

So I just wrapped up my week of blogging about men, women, and relationships, but I failed to answer one of the questions that someone sent in to me (Sorry, Anne!) and am making steps to remedy that. Here we go:

“How do I know what to look for in a man? What if some of my expectations are too high/low?”

I’ll try to answer that question for both sexes here. My policy has always been that I want to marry a man who will be my best friend for the rest of my life, so I try to think of the qualities that are important to me in a best friend. Here are 15 questions that work well for me when thinking through this kind of thing:

- Do we like to do the same things? (not all the same things, of course – it’s important for you to have individual interests that you can explore on your own)
- Do we like to talk about the same things? (Again, not all the same things, but the big ones. For example, it is an absolute deal-breaker for me if a guy can’t expound upon his thoughts about spiritual matters. Being in ministry, this is too much a part of my life to not be able to discuss it with my best friend.)
- Do I respect this person? Even when he/she fails? And does this person respect me?
- Do we have fun? Do I enjoy being around this person?
- Does this feel natural? Is it easy to be around this person or does it require a lot of effort?
- Do I trust this person with my heart?
- Does this person make wise decisions? (For marriage, you will be making decisions with this person for the rest of your life. If they don’t execute wise decisions, it will affect you forever.)
- Am I able to be my true self around this person without fear of rejection?
- Does this person understand me in a way that even I don’t understand myself? (This is important if you are looking at marriage as a means to become holier and more sanctified, because this person will be able to help you develop your strengths and reduce your weaknesses.)
- Can I welcome the “hard truths” from this person when they challenge me?
- Does this person help me become all that God has called me to be? Am I developing into a better version of myself because of his/her presence in my life?
- Does this person encourage me, lift me up, and make me feel alive? Or tear me down?
- Could he lead? Would I follow?
- Am I this person’s biggest fan? Do I think he/she is awesome?
- Does he/she make me love Jesus more?

These 15 questions are just a starter kit. There are tons of other things that might be important to you, but those would be more specific to your situation and your desires. And as for your expectations being too high/low, all I can offer is this: pray about it and ask God what He wants for you. Ask Him to put His desires in you so that you will want the right things. And ask for His eyes to see those things when they come along.

Hope this helps!
~TLC

Summary of Man + Woman Blog Week

2008-06-05T15:46:00.005-04:00

This concludes my week of blogging about men, women, and relationships. Thank you so much for your questions and comments! Here are the highlights, along with a few bonus pieces. If you want to know more info, read the rest of the blogs!

Women
- Find out who God is, then find out who you are. It will help you not to be such a fearful wreck.
- Tend your garden. Let God heal the parts that are broken and restore them.
- Don’t let just anyone into it. You are not desperate. God wants His best for you!

Men
- Find out who God is, then find out who you are. When you discover His plan, chase it!
- Get your head on straight. Women are not a buffet for your eyes.
- Game on! When you pursue a woman, do it blatantly and righteously.

Prayer for Women:
Pray for the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Pray that your heart would trust in the goodness of God. It produces a peaceful essence that doesn't lend itself to striving and clawing and grasping… rather, it lends itself to patience and grace and joy.

Prayer for Men:
Pray that God would help you to be drawn with the fire of a thousand suns toward character and godliness. Physical beauty is vain, it will fade, and it will disappoint you. Character grows. Beauty fades. Only a fool expects a lifetime of fulfillment from something that is guaranteed to be temporary.

Thoughts on Marriage (for women):
- Pray for your husband as often as possible. Buy this book.
- Find the right place on the Speak Up / Shut Up Continuum. Thou shalt not nag. Talk to God.
- Don’t just misplace your complaints – eliminate them. No talking to girlfriends or mom! Build him up in public and in private!
- Work on your appearance. Be as attractive as you can be for your husband and for him alone.
- Have a lot of sex with him. Welcome it. Initiate it.

Bonus Question:
Do you believe there is one person for each individual? Or does God have many possible matches for us, and it's us to discern the best choice?

I personally believe that God has one person for each individual. I definitely lean toward the whole “God is sovereign” end of things, meaning that I believe He has all these things planned for us, and that He guides us down His path to help us discover that person (this is an entirely different theological discussion that I won't broach here). I’ve heard people say, “I married this woman and it was a huge mistake. She’s not the one.” I completely disagree. Once you marry a person, they become the one. They're it. Even if you don't believe that God is sovereign, you've still entered into a lifelong covenant with them. Ultimately, that is your choice and that is God’s choice. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of disagreement and rebuttal on this, but this is where I fall on this answer.

If you have more questions or comments, leave them in the comment section and I'll try to respond to them there! Thanks so much for reading... I couldn't have done it without you!

Much love,
TLC:)

Not That I Know...

2008-06-03T00:33:00.005-04:00

For the next couple of days, I plan to address the remaining questions I’ve received on these topics. I tried to cover most of the concerns in the previous entries, but these are a few that didn’t quite fit into the format. Here’s the first bonus question, which I have absolutely zero authority to answer. Hah!

“Your blog entries have been really geared toward singles… Do you have any advice for an old married woman about how to improve her marriage?”

Well, I don’t know you and I don’t have any details about your marriage, but I’ll do my best. And please remember: I’ve never been married, so I’m speaking mostly from what I’ve learned via my scripture, married friends, and books. Maybe the amount of books I’ve consumed on the topic will somehow bridge the gap between ignorance and information. You asked for it…

1. Pray for your husband. As often as possible.
I’ve already written about The Power of a Praying Wife, and I still use it as a daily prayer guide. I recommend buying it, breaking it in, and using it for the rest of your life.

2. Find the right place on the Speak Up / Shut Up Continuum.
This is a followup to the first point. My mentor advised me “Most of your complaints about your husband can be solved by keeping your mouth shut to him and open to God.” Not that there’s not a time to speak up—just pray about it first. Proverbs repeatedly warns men against marrying a quarrelsome or contentious woman. It says that she is like a constant dripping. We call it nagging. If you have a tendency to nag your husband, remember that it’s turning you into the person Proverbs talks about – and it says it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than in a house with that kind of woman. Uh oh.

3. Don’t just misplace your complaints – eliminate them.
When you stop nagging your husband, don’t transfer that over to your girlfriends. Or your mother. And refrain from putting him down in front of his friends. I know it must be a struggle, but that kind of talk (even when offered as a “prayer request”) only serves to emasculate and disrespect your husband. It destroys the intimacy of marriage and steals his trust in you. Build him up at every turn—in public and in private—and reject the temptation to tear him down. Always.

4. Work on your appearance.
It’s a big deal. You are the person God has given him to fulfill all his needs for feminine beauty. You are the one he chose. Plus, you deserve to take care of yourself. Prioritize it.

5. Have a lot of sex with him.
No, really. Initiate it. Revel in it. Initiate it again. Maybe you feel like he’s been neglecting you or that he never pays attention to your needs. Meet his anyway. And I suspect (it's all I can do, really) that it will have a way of warming up the fires of your relationship, not just your bedroom. Stormie Omartian puts it this way, “Something is built up in the man and the marriage when this need is met by his wife. Something is diminished when it is not. You leave yourselves open for temptation and far more destruction that you can imagine when this area of intimate communication is neglected… there is no excuse not to engage in it regularly.”

And with that, I’m done. Do any of you married people (men or women) have any other advice to add to this? Also, please correct me on anything I'm wrong about!

Thanks,
TLC

Healing My Inferiority Complex

2008-06-02T00:38:00.010-04:00

When I was 18 my mentor told me to choose a verse that could serve as a "code" for my personal life and my future marriage, something to aspire to and challenge me. This is what I chose:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

The more I read it, the more it made me feel inferior, unfeminine, unlovely. I am fine with inner beauty--although my shoe collection testifies otherwise--and I'm totally down with submission to a godly man who empowers me to follow. But here's the rub: Maybe on my good days I could be considered "gentle," but it would never be one of the top 5 adjectives used to describe me. And I am not "quiet."

Peter was practically rebuking me, it seemed. How could I ever be these things, these "beautiful" things, when they seemed to contrast so strongly with my natural temperament and even my spiritual gifts? I prayed about it, talked to people about it, tried to forget about it.

Then one day, I was talking to another friend who has a similar temperament. She mentioned this verse to me and how she hated it because of those same reasons. And in that moment, God showed me something that I'd never realized before. When I measured it against scripture, it made sense. God totally transformed that verse into one of possibility and hope... here's how it breaks down for me now:

Peter refers to it as "the inner self" and speaks of the "quiet spirit" -- that doesn't mean women need to be silent and demure. It doesn't mean we are to be devoid of opinion or insight or wisdom. What it means is that our spirits should be at rest with God, that we should trust Him and fear Him alone. Maybe we are vocal, maybe we are shy -- but if our hearts trust in the goodness of God, there is a peaceful essence that doesn't lend itself to striving and clawing and grasping. When our spirit is quieted, it lends itself to patience and grace and joy.

The great thing about this verse is the freedom it promotes. True freedom come when we focus our eyes on the Lord, trust in Him, wait for Him. It comes when I surrender the desire to act on my own behalf and instead choose to trust in Him. Most of that striving is done in fear anyway, right? But if we don't give way to fear, we become more like Sarah, more beautiful, more gentle and quiet in our spirit, even if not in our temperaments. Beautiful!!

And for those of you who are single women, here's a little something I wrote for you/me on the topic of keeping a quiet heart while waiting.

Put Away Your Flashlight (Song of Solomon 8:4)

Put away your flashlight –
The one you shine into love’s closed eyes
Hoping for a flinch, ever-so-slight
Grasping at the hope of a pending dawn

No more shaking love, my dear,
Begging it to wake
Your heart will faint from exhaustion,
And regret will steal your morning

Press your face against the pillow now
And wrap yourself in sheets of truth:
“There is no ‘meantime’ when you
Rest deep in the arms of your Pursuer.”

More On Beauty. Or... Moron Beauty.

2008-05-31T16:10:00.016-04:00

*NOTE*: I don't believe I possess the sum of all knowledge on this topic, so I'm very interested in your contributions to this discussion. However, I'm not looking for opinions only (although those are welcome)... I really want to know what scripture says about this. I want my beliefs to be shaped by God's word, not what's considered "normal." If I'm missing something or off somewhere, please let me know why you think I'm out of line scripturally. The stated purpose for all this discussion is not to provide a platform for my opinions, but because I'm going to be speaking on this topic and really want to make sure my statements are grounded in Truth.

The man thread brought about a good discussion in the comments section. You can check it out here. Feel free to add your own comments! Here are some of my additional thoughts, untamed as usual (hah!):

- In every friend circle I’ve had since high school, amazing godly women were never asked out because there was one girl in the group who was the most beautiful and all the guys spent their time crushing on her or took turns dating her. Often (but not always) she was not a woman of strong character. It makes me think those guys are, quite frankly, spiritually immature (or maybe I'm just judgmental).

- I've heard countless guys say, "I want to marry the most beautiful woman in the room" or "in the world" or "that I've ever seen." I've never heard a man say, “I want to marry the most godly woman I know” or “the wisest woman” or “the woman with the best personality.” But in 5 minutes, there will be someone more beautiful. Things will start to sag and wrinkle, and it will all go away. If your relationship is founded on this, it is much more likely to fail. In fact, since many godly men view women through the same paradigm as worldly men, it’s no wonder our divorce rate stacks up the same.

- Proverbs warns again and again about marrying a quarrelsome woman. It doesn’t say “woe to the man who marries an ugly chick… sucks to be you.” Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, expounds on a litany of desirable traits in Proverbs 31. His only mention of beauty? He calls it vain. He goes on to say “a wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies…” Noble character... Not big boobs.

- In the New Testament, Peter talks about feminine beauty pretty specifically. Here's what he says the focus should be: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." That verse isn't just for women... it's a signpost for men.

Listen... every woman wants to be considered beautiful to her husband, so I’m not suggesting that women abandon all efforts to improve their appearance (for crying out loud, no!!!) or that men marry women that they find unattractive. Here's my suggestion:

- Women, make Peter's words your theme!

- Men, try praying that God would help you to be drawn with the fire of a thousand suns toward character and godliness, and to not be led astray by physical beauty. May you find a woman whose physical beauty is the icing on the cake.

What can you add to the conversation? I welcome your agreement or rebuttal. Bring it! :)

~TLC

Whatta Man... Whatta Mighty Good Man

2008-05-29T19:57:00.010-04:00

Dear Men:

I started with the fairer sex, now let me hit up the stronger sex (that’s you, by the way). Here are a few things that someone else should probably be telling you, but since you asked… I’m answering. In the same way I approached the ladies, I will address the top three things I’ve noticed as problems in the lives of men I know and the way they approach women/relationships.

1. Find out who God is…. Then find out who you are.
This is the same as the problem with the women, but the fallout is much different. When women don’t know who they are, they tend to become manipulative and controlling (this can manifest itself as being either dependent or independent), but when men don’t know who they are, they tend to become passive. (By the way, it might help to read the previous blog first, because it will help you to see the differences in the way I’m addressing this.) While women need to understand their relationship with God, it seems that men have a greater need to understand their purpose with God… to find the thing He has called them to, the plan that He has for them. Without any knowledge of who He is, it’s hard to know how to throw yourself headlong in the direction He’s calling you to. Dig deep in the scriptures. Seek out mentors who are wiser than you. Find the thing that reminds you of His joy, the thing that makes you feel alive, the thing that challenges you in your walk with the Lord… and chase it!

2. Get your head on straight.
Mostly, your eyes. Don’t pat yourself on the back just because you don’t look at naked girls online (although let’s be honest – that’s unlikely), because you’re still probably scoping out the shapes and lines of every woman who walks past you. Stop it. She is not your wife. And you are setting yourself and your wife up for tragedy. One of my favorite pastors (Matt Chandler) said it best, “Some of you godly young men are going to have to watch your first marriages entirely disintegrate. Your life will be destroyed because of your addiction to feeding your eyes.” Greg Pinkner follows up, “If you walk into a room and automatically look for the prettiest girl, there is something wrong with you.” My guess is that applies to most of you. Every guy wants to marry the prettiest girl in the room, but if you have a room full of 10 guys and 10 girls, each guy is probably going to think the same girl is the prettiest. So who marries the other 9? I’m not saying you shouldn’t be attracted to your wife—that’s vital. But maybe your perspective needs to be shifted slightly. Here is a good article on the subject and three teaser quotes to get you motivated. Take 5 minutes and read it. By the way, it was written by a man.

“…if the physical or personal is entirely (or mainly) what attracts you and these are your highest priorities, then your problem is not with the women around you. Your problem is with God.”

“No one in his right mind ever marries a woman he doesn't find beautiful. And it's no different with Jesus. Except for one problem. We aren't attractive. In our sin and rebellion, we are downright ugly. So what's up with Jesus?”

“Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, you are a creator of beauty in the women around you.”

While I challenged the women to want more from men in the area of spirituality, I’m challenging the men to want less from women in the area of her appearance. This is one area that I truly feel we’ve welcomed society’s standards and haven’t even checked ourselves. Starve your eyes, men. Starve. And when you marry an amazing woman one day, you’ll be surprised at how beautiful she is to you, in part because you won’t have spent the time between now and then accumulating millions of other images to compare her to.

3. Game ON!
A few of you asked me about how to pursue a woman in the right way. I will speak from my own experience here. I’ve been pursued blatantly without it being righteous. And I’ve been pursued righteously without it being blatant. You really need to possess both qualities. The first camp (blatant but not righteous) are the guys who know nothing about me other than what they’ve discerned from across the room, from the stage, from whatever I wrote in my blog or on my Facebook page. Their lack of knowledge of me as a real human being gives them a distance that feels promising. From the safety of their computer screen, they can imagine me to be all the wonderful things they want in a woman. They project perfection onto me. So they move in for the kill, hoping to attain all those things for themselves. They do not know me, and their pursuit is not righteous. Then there are those who pursue righteously – who know me and have their priorities straight and who would actually be good candidates – but they sit idly by, dropping hints, flirting but never being bold. Once in my life (ONCE!) I’ve been pursued by a man who managed to handle it properly. He cared about all the right qualities AND he was upfront about his intentions. There was no guessing, no uncertainty on my part. From the moment he started pursuing me, I knew exactly where I stood with him. It was incredible. Men, it’s time to man up… I know you’ve got it in you.

All right, bring on the hate mail. Hah!
~TLC

99 Problems

2008-05-28T01:05:00.008-04:00

To paraphrase the old adage: “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, blog.” That explains why I, a very single person, am blogging about men, women, and relationships. Take everything you read here with an entire shaker of salt. Today I’ll focus on the top three problems I’ve witnessed in women I know as well as in my own life. Women, these are things we can work on. Men, these are things you can look for.

1. Find out who God is… then find out who you are.
Geez, this is a big one, right? It’s pretty much a life-long deal. The main thing, though, is to believe that God wants a relationship with you. If you already know Him, you can trust that He has your best interest at heart and that He is not holding out on you. In fact, He is working to make everything work together for your good and His glory (Romans 8:28), including your sin, your pain, your mistakes. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that He loves me so much, but when I manage to get it even in the slightest way, it changes the way I view my life. Suddenly I don’t have to strive and scrape to make life be what I want it to be… I am free to trust Him, free to live and walk with Him wherever He calls me. And in this freedom, I find the fullness of who He is and the fullness of who I am. I don’t have to try so hard to impress others, because my life isn’t centered on their approval – it’s founded on the unchanging holiness and goodness of God. Easier said than done, especially in a world of thin, blond specimens with fair skin and radiant smiles. Maybe you didn’t hit the genetic lottery, but there is so much more to you than that. In fact, your appearance is the part of you that will fade the fastest – so find out what’s underneath all that… and attach it to what you know of Him.

2. Tend your garden.
I have a beautiful friend who is a devastated wreck of a woman. She was wounded by a man, then by another, then another. And it’s like a tornado came through her life and ripped out everything good. The ground is cracked and dry. Honestly, she isn’t even trying to heal. She’s clinging to her bitterness as though it were her lifeblood. It is the most unattractive thing I can think of. The tragic juxtaposition of her physical beauty and the state of her heart sends people running—men and women both. Ladies, your life is a garden. You can either spend your time living in the devastation, or you can get down to the hard business of healing and planting and tending. There's so much more to this than I have space to address, especially since I can’t even begin to tackle the pain of abuse or divorce or loss of a child… but the main thing I'm hoping to leave you with is this: every day we have the choice to either sit on the barren soil or make the tiniest step to develop the garden. Maybe some days you can't even breathe and all you have the strength to do is to offer up a prayer for rain. Our God is a Healer – it’s one of His names (Jehovah-Rapha). It may take some serious time and effort, but He longs to heal you and turn your life into a lush, lavish garden, overflowing with beauty and joy and the fragrance of God!! What person doesn't want that for their own life - a radiant, colorful testimony to God's goodness? What other women wouldn’t be drawn into a friendship with that kind of woman? And what man wouldn’t be attracted to that?

3. Don’t let just anyone into it.
Let me be clear here right off the bat: Stop dating guys who aren’t Christians. Stop it. And seriously, stop dating guys who aren’t deeply in love with Jesus. It’s not enough that he goes to church or that he believes in God or that he has a cross tattoo. I don’t care. If his life and choices and decisions aren’t founded on the active, passionate pursuit of the glory of God, it’s time for you to expect more from yourself and from him. How can you tell if a guy is walking with Christ? Check out John 15:5 - “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.” How can you believe that God wants more for you than some crappy relationship with a pseudo Christian? Ephesians 3:20 says that He is “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” Every day that you persist in wasting your time is a day that your deepest joy will be stolen.

Surely there are some of you who will disagree with what I've said here. Feel free to hit me up in the comments!

Much love,
TLC

Day by day...

2008-05-24T02:44:00.005-04:00

I just wrapped up the greatest birthday of my life. So easy and light and beautiful... conversations with depth and joy and laughter. Sunlight and breezes and West Village streets and Central Park grass.

Thank you all so much for your well-wishes. God accomplished them today, and I am overjoyed!

Much love,
~TLC:)

P.S. The fact that I am easily pleased doesn't diminish how awesome this day was. It was really over-the-top incredible. Thanks, God!

FOUND!!

2008-05-15T01:07:00.003-04:00

Two things:

1. Please join me in a celebration over the recovery of my lost Moleskine. It was, after all, behind my friend Meredith's bed. Tonight she placed it in my trembling hands. I'm never letting it out of my sight again.

2. Please forgive me for my delay in blogging about men, women, and relationships. It's coming, I promise. Right now I'm trying to sort through the email questions (AHEM... I notice that no one left questions in the comments but you all emailed me with them. How brave of you. Hah! Kidding!) I've been taken up with a few other projects this week, and I will commence blogging about men and women soon.

I dig you guys so much.

xoxo,
TLC:)

Things to come...

2008-05-09T02:07:00.004-04:00

Over the next week, I'm going to do a lot of blogging about women, men, and relationships. This is due in part to the fact that I've been asked to speak on the topic, and I want to get your feedback about my commentary so that I don't end up saying anything stupid. Hah! :)

If there's anything in particular that you'd like me to address, you can leave it in the comments or write me a personal note:

tlc at tara leigh cobble dot com

Have a stellar day!
~TLC

Whatever befalls us...

2008-05-05T11:31:00.003-04:00

"Whatever befalls us, however it befalls us, we must receive it as the will of God. If it befalls us through man's negligence or ill-will or anger, still it is, in even the least circumstance, to us the will of God. For if the least thing could happen to us without God's permission, it would be something out of God's control. God's providence or his love would not be what they are. Almighty God Himself would not be the same God; not the God whom we believe, adore, and love."

- Mary Wilder Tileston, Daily Strength for Daily Needs

This is easier to hear and believe when things are going well. But I've found it more crucial to believe when I'm struggling, when I'm waiting, when I'm hurting. One of the most crucial things of the Christian walk (for mine, at least) is actively believing in His unceasing goodness to me, no matter the circumstances. Lord, help me to be unwavering... not in my hope of what things You'll do for me, but in my pursuit of YOU as the ultimate.

Old Pages

2008-05-04T03:29:00.012-04:00

Today I found an old journal. I love that I have documentation of the following events:

10.19.03 -- NYC
(note: this was my second time to ever visit NYC)
Maybe I feel a little bit like this City... like I am somewhat intriguing and mysterious, but only from a distance. Only if you are looking at the skyline in a photograph or from the bridges that surround it. And then once you get close to it in real life, it is overwhelming, unattractive, all horns and sirens, cold and harsh.

But this is a lie. First of all, my heart is good. I know this because God gave me a new heart when He redeemed me and He said that it is good. When I read "Waking the Dead," I knew that I needed to be awakened, that God's truth needed to dictate my perspective instead of the lies that Satan sneaks into my world so frequently.

And second, this City is stunning. Even up close, even from the inside, even from the concrete. Maybe even more so. I have never known another city like it...

------

11.09.03 -- Houston
(note: although I was touring in Houston, I still lived in Nashville)
I'm begging for Your direction in my life. Part of me feels like I might not be meant for Nashville much longer. Maybe this is nothing, but...

------

But maybe not! Hah!! (For the record, I moved to NYC a year later.)

Mostly, though, the journal had a theme: there was a lot of waiting. Waiting for sanctification, waiting for understanding, waiting for action, waiting for healing. Waaaaaiting. And so I wrote this today at the end of my journal:

This lesson will be life-long, but You are so gracious to strengthen my muscles and my faith - to teach me the gentle art of waiting, of keeping a quiet heart. It's hard, You know, to wait for a God who wears no watch... to try to discern the timing of a King who is somehow both in every moment but also beyond time itself.

I read these old entries filled with stories of my brokenness, my mistakes, my damned relentless hope, but mostly of Your goodness and Your guidance and the nights you carried my broken body to the foot of Your cross. Where I belong. There really is no end to Your love for me, is there? Even as I sit waiting... yesterday, today, tomorrow... You sit beside me smiling, knowing that You will walk with me through all the waiting left to do. Until You finally carry me Home.

And honestly, as much as I curse it and am bruised by it, please know that I love the relentless hope You've given me. You are beautiful, so sweet to me, so tender in the waiting...

Your love for me makes me giddy. Absolutely giddy.

Dear The World:

2008-04-27T14:46:00.004-04:00

Dear The World:

I am grieving the loss of my tiny cobalt blue Moleskine notebook. I lost it somewhere near you. It might've been in the guest lodging at Malone College in Canton, OH... or perhaps the bed and breakfast in Winchester, IL. Or even the Holiday Inn near Hannibal-LaGrange College in MO. Maybe even behind Meredith's bed in Nashville, TN (but probably not).

While I can continue living and breathing without it, I'd really love to have it back. It has my name and phone number in the front of it, and it contains documentation of some of the most amazing things God has ever said to me. Scripture, sermon notes, song ideas, scribbles for another book idea, and a list of my girlfriends' prayer requests for the past several months. The longer it's gone, the more I miss it. Please let me know if you have it or see it or know where it is. On the off-chance that you stole it from me, you can mail it back to me anonymously... no hard feelings, mmkay?

It looks like this, except it's cobalt blue. If you saw me with it recently, please let me know where... this helps me narrow down the places where it might be found.

Thank you, world.
xoxo,
TLC

True!!

2008-04-24T02:15:00.001-04:00

He who learns must suffer.
And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart,
Until, in our own despair,
Against our will,
Comes wisdom to us
Through the awful grace of God.

-- Aeschylus. Agamemnon (The Oresteia), 458 BCE

One reason to love NYC today

2008-04-24T01:44:00.003-04:00

I love NYC for so many reasons, not the least of which is this installation piece, which is located on 21st Street between 6th & 7th Avenues. The sea monster is connected to subway grates, and when a train passes through the tunnel underground, the sea monster inflates. Brilliant!!

Cover your eyes!!

2008-04-22T00:35:00.004-04:00

Remember that Balenciaga shoe I complained about earlier ? Well, it's back. Except this time it's a knock-off by Steve Madden, and it's even uglier (I know! I didn't think it was possible either!!), and it's $99, which means that real life people might actually buy it on purpose, which means that this summer is going to destroy your eyeballs.

Get ready, America. This is your future:

Wise Words from TK

2008-04-21T01:16:00.003-04:00

I recently attended the Q Conference, but I had to miss the session with Tim Keller (my pastor), because it overlapped with my small group. Fortunately, Scott Hodge took some great notes.

I want to send a copy of those notes to everyone who, upon finding out that I live in NYC, puts on a snarled face and asks, "How can you stand it there?!?!" :) Haha!!

Body Language

2008-04-16T19:40:00.001-04:00

There's a great series happening right now at one of my Three Favorite Churches. It's called Sex, Money & Power: The Man Series. I don't think there's a person alive who can't relate to the things Perry Noble talks about in this series at NewSpring Church... even you, ladies!!!

In last Sunday's sermon "Body Language," Perry spoke the tough truths about sexual temptation. Every time I read about or hear about this topic, something in me feels so defeated. I remember reading the book Every Man's Battle and feeling entirely hopeless. There are so few men who are willing to take up the challenge of fighting sexual temptation, and so few women who take care to dress in a way that doesn't provoke it. We are all so very broken.

One of the things I love about Perry's preaching is that he provides useful applications. Somehow that redirects my hopelessness into a place where I feel like healing and growth is possible. Still, it will require tons of accountability and prayer to maintain these objectives:

Perry's Ten Commandments For Avoiding Sexual Temptation

1. He will have no other human relationships before his wife, including the kids.
2. He will remember date night and keep it holy.
3. He will always view his wife through the eyes of Christ and see her as the standard of beauty in his life. (What?! Awesome.)
4. He will never think that he is above temptation. (I Cor 10:12)
5. He will never spend time alone with another woman (even on a car ride) or travel alone.
6. He will not talk about his spouse in a negative manner.
7. He will not ever discuss the intimate details of his marriage with anyone other than his wife.
8. He will not watch pornography or expose himself to other illicit materials that will cause him to lust after other women and devalue his wife to a mere sex object.
9. He will not confuse fantasy and reality.
10. He will not forget the 7th commandment (“Do not commit adultery.”)

It challenges me to want to write out my own list of ways that I will avoid involvement in sexual temptation... but that's probably because I'm Type A, and I looooove me some lists! :) If you have suggestions for what should go on a woman's list, even if (or perhaps especially if) you're not a woman, leave 'em in the comments!

If you want to listen to the whole sermon (and trust me, you do), you can download it here, stream it here, and watch the video of it here.

What NOW?

2008-04-14T03:04:00.010-04:00

Recently, a friend suggested that I read The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. In case you're not up to speed, I'm uh... not married. So this seems like the most absurd book choice, except for maybe Experimental Rocket Science. But because she is a trusted friend who always gives me wise, godly advice, I ran out and picked up a copy.

It's a 30-day prayer guide with one focus for each day... things like: his work, his temptations, his fears, his trials, his emotions. Appropriately, the first chapter instructs you to pray for "his wife," because "one of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness."

There are a lot of single ladies who read this blog, and I'm talking to you, so listen up: Proverbs 31:12 says that the wife of noble character does her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life. ALL the days. Not just after they're married. Not just after she meets him. It begins BEFORE he even sets foot in her world.

One of my earliest memories is of my mom telling me I should pray for my husband. I've been doing it since I was a kid. So maybe this book isn't so ill-timed after all. In fact, maybe every single girl who hopes to someday marry should go pick up a copy for herself, so she can be praying for her husband NOW.

I think it's an amazing book, and you'll have a hard time not loving it. I finished the 30-day prayer plan in a week's time (yes, it's that good!), and I'm planning to pray through it monthly for the foreseeable future. I believe God will work changes in me and in my husband-to-be because of what's happening in my prayer life NOW. So, gather up your self-respect (or just throw on a fake wedding band), head out to the store, and get yourself a copy!

P.S. Married ladies, you too!!

P.P.S. Dudes, you're not off the hook either.

Beauty for Ashes

2008-04-13T03:13:00.008-04:00

Separate verses from Isaiah 61 have been coming to my mind all day long, and I had no idea they were all in the same chapter until I went to look them up tonight, and there they were... all knit together beautifully in one place.

BEAUTY FOR ASHES

They covered my skin with strokes of paint
Telling me what they saw from the outside
Making their point about what I am, what I never can be,
Shaming me for the way He wove me.

Somewhere buried inside, I knew better
Knew this was a gift, a beautiful thing
But no words could convince them
I did not have the power to persuade, so I kept silent.

This is part of me—not all, but part
The truth struggled to peek through my conversations
And, half-fearful of its own goal, hid itself again
Disgraced, I collapsed from the weight of their words.

Then, from the corner of my eye...
Sunlight.

Then, illumination of everything...
Truth.

Then, instead of being shamed...
Celebrated.

Then, the sweetest freedom...
Redemption.

Joy Transmitters (by Mattel)

2008-04-10T11:41:00.004-04:00

Psalm 45 (From Psalms Now)
My heart is full of joy today. I reach almost frantically for the sounds that might express that joy,
the words that would proclaim the exuberance that I feel at this moment.
I am overwhelmed with praise, and I must express it lest I succumb to it.
You, my dear friend, were the source of this joy. You touched me with love and awakened my sleeping heart to the beauty and fragrance of life around me.
God reached out through your devotion and concern to kindle anew a fire within me, to fan embers into the flames of light and faith. You marched into my jungle of despair and made a path for me to walk on once more. You sliced through my confusion and gave order and motivation to my purposeless gropings.

I am so very grateful-to God and to you. I pray that God may use me, as He has so abundantly used you, to transmit joy to the joyless, despairing lives of those who cross my path.
And I pray that God may bless you and keep you and use you forever.

*not really by Mattel -- I just always used to love those toy commercials as a kid

An Inheritance for the Waitress

2008-04-10T02:08:00.002-04:00

This quote has been gradually sinking in over the past week, and I want to tell you how much it blows my mind:

“Our value lies not in how we view ourselves but in what God was willing to pay to redeem us.” – Janet Congo, M.A.

We are so loved by God that He gave up His power and glory so that He could have a relationship with us for eternity. And we can do nothing to earn that love, nothing to maintain it. Christianity is the true inverse of every religion in existence. And it doesn’t even go along with the way we operate in society—where we are expected to earn our keep, prove ourselves worthy, or at the very least, be good, moral people.

The thing is—we’ve got nothing good to offer a Holy God. Nothing. We can’t even be good people. But here’s what’s so amazing about what He did for us… follow me:

You know those stories about how some elderly millionaire goes to a diner and the pretty waitress is especially nice to him, and when he dies a week later, he leaves her his entire fortune? Well, I was just thinking tonight… that’s kind of what God did for us except that we are not pretty and we don’t do anything nice for Him. In fact, we spit in His face, doubt Him, deny Him, and leave Him for dead.

And what does He do? He rises from the dead and promises us an eternal hope and a love that cannot be shaken. It is inconceivable… and I’m so glad it’s true.

Love, I May Leave You

2008-04-09T00:45:00.003-04:00

Love, I may leave you
For another Lover
Or even a (lower-case) lover
Someday you may be my past

You won me with your stature
Where men build and rebuild Babel
To secure their names forever
In architectural glory

Languages scatter and reconvene
Like the B, the D, the V
Here, you encircle my heart
With the Hudson and the East

But we are only a graph paper romance
Where people move like lattice
At right angles, on flat pages
And my desires are a third dimension

Loosen your grip, love
Tomorrow I may leave you
My story has another page
And you are not the end.

lower case, confident.

2008-04-08T18:14:00.007-04:00

(Note to the reader: If you're reading this in a blogreader, you're missing the beauty of the layout. )

lower case, confident.

i’m lower case, eight-point font
in alabaster print
pages turned, you never read
the unassuming hint

GIRLS IN BOLD HELVETICA
ALWAYS CAUGHT YOUR EYE
OBVIOUS AND BEAUTIFUL,
THEIR LETTERS FILLED YOUR MIND

and though i am a patient girl
i’ll never waste my time
why would a word wait for a song
that chases every rhyme?

Free From My History

2008-04-08T15:53:00.004-04:00

Beth and I like to tell each other what to do. We are the bosses of each other. She has been encouraging me to write and post more poetry, especially since April is National Poetry Month, so I'm obliging. Some of the things I post will be older, written years ago. Some will be new, like this one, which I wrote about five minutes ago. I am not under the illusion that it is good. But I still like it, because it is true. That's what matters to me about this poem. Yay!

Free From My History

I’ve been carrying two questions
One heavy and occasional
The other, light and constant
Impediments to my progress
Not from their presence,
But from the absence of answers
As if they stole the stones from my path
Leaving me uncertain where to step.

And God in His goodness,
When He bent down to love me,
Took the burdens from my back,
The questions from my head,
And built the answers beneath my feet.
Today I move forward
Today I am free from my history
Today I am at peace, in love with Him.

The Beautiful Death of Music

2008-04-07T18:24:00.003-04:00

My friend Scott is so excited about a new German development in recording and engineering software called Melodyne v2. He refers to it as the beautiful death of music.

I'm not a purist when it comes to these things, so I'm intrigued. I've seen a lot of approaches from different engineers, and they've all been great learning experiences. I once recorded an entire album without the use of pitch-correction, and I've recorded others using it sparingly. For another record, the producer required me to nail each entire song top-to-bottom without punching in. It was frustrating and exhausting, but I came away knowing I could sing that album note-for-note. Sure, it would be great to be able to do that every time, but when the day is done... I'm glad that equipment like this exists, because it allows me to record an album in a month, instead of spending six months tearing up my vocal chords.

I will say, though, that when certain artists (who shall remain nameless but who can probably be found by Googling) start having their entire tours sponsored by Antares Auto-Tune, we've gone overboard.