Friday, January 08, 2010

The Ten.

Weathering fallen hopes and unexpected failures will train your heart to hide in corners and shadows.

Or to shroud itself in anything impenetrable to prevent another breach of your pain threshold.

Time--if you're not careful--will teach your heart to fear. At least, that's what mine learned.

Last year, God told me that He wanted to teach me this instead.

Each day I reminded myself:

Put your hope in God,
Do not give way to fear.

I wanted so much to believe, for those words to own me.

He began to show me who He is and set me free... But it didn't feel like freedom at first.

It felt like His wrath.

He began by stripping away things that felt familiar and certain...

"Jesus absorbed Your wrath for me, right? Why this torture now?"

When I failed to be respond with faith in His words, faith in HIM actually, He pressed harder...

The process that felt like a cave was actually a tunnel. During much of it, I begged for an easy escape.

His healing only came to me when I actively wrestled my fear and made it submit to His love.

So when I woke in darkness on the first new mercies of this year, I asked Him, "What now?"

He took my hand, put my fingers to His lips, and quietly spoke Psalm 62:1-2 to me.

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."

Then He repeated Himself, the way He does when He means business:

Two hours after He led me to those words, I found a tiny scrap of paper someone had written them on.

And so my New Year's Resolution, if you can call it that, is to learn to wait for Him alone.

I don't know yet how to learn this, but I know that I have a patient, loving teacher.

I step into The Ten, lighter for lack of fear, heavier for weight of hope.

"All the waiting that I've done, all the waiting yet to do."


Earnestly Seeking said...

Those are some great scriptures.

I've read your book Here's to Hindsight and I felt like I could relate to you so much. I feel like I learned so much about you, like you were my friend, but you know nothing about me. Even though you don't know me, I'm glad I got the chance to "meet" you through your words. Praying that God keeps showing you great and marvelous things.

Heather said...

hey, girl...this is so timely...thank you for sharing...i, too, have been in a season of waiting...a season of learning to not fear...God has continued to repeat to me several messages and i am every so slooowwwly learning to wait in quietness and trust...praying for you...would appreciate your prayers, too...abundant blessings ~heather f.

Amanda Steed said...

Tara Leigh, your words are always drenched in the Father. I love you for sharing your heart. Please know that it is so encouraging, and there are so many out there that can relate. I find myself coming back to your blog when I need to be reminded of how much my Dad loves me. I wish you lived in Texas, so we could get coffee and talk more about this.