Thursday, January 28, 2010

I am most free when I am bound to Him.

Nothing is a threat to the will of God.

Hundreds of scriptures speak the truth of His sovereignty.

My current favorite is Ps.138:8: "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me."

He will fulfill it. HE will. My assignment is to follow Him as closely as I can.

Walking with Him, I will certainly find myself closer to Him, which is what matters.

Additionally, I'm guaranteed to run into His plans for me.

This puts an incredible lightness in my step.

An indefatigable joy in my heart.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

#5 Things I Love

#5: D-Group

I know myself well enough to know that I will choose sin if I don't have people around me who also know my weak spots and who will refuse to let me yield to them. I also know humanity enough to know that we're all built like that.

One of the best pieces of advice my mentor ever gave me was: "Beware anyone who avoids accountability." It sounds similar to Solomon's advice in Proverbs 18:1. "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against sound judgment." It's true of me. When I refuse to answer to people, it's usually because I have something to hide.

So I gathered a group of girls around me in an effort to be honest with each other. We call it D-Group (short for Discipleship Group). The purpose of this sort of community wasn't just so we could feel less alone in our sin, but so that we could fight alongside each other. And by the grace of God, we've seen some unprecedented victories. When we fail each other (and we have), we immediately set out to confess, repent, forgive, and learn from our mistakes.

More than 40 people have been involved in D-Group since its advent in Feb 2009. We've split into separate groups, because we like to keep each group at 12 or less. Here's a photo from our All D-Group Christmas party.

These are the girls who fight with me for my heart and for the glory of God. I am so thankful for them.

Friday, January 08, 2010

The Ten.

Weathering fallen hopes and unexpected failures will train your heart to hide in corners and shadows.

Or to shroud itself in anything impenetrable to prevent another breach of your pain threshold.

Time--if you're not careful--will teach your heart to fear. At least, that's what mine learned.

Last year, God told me that He wanted to teach me this instead.

Each day I reminded myself:

Put your hope in God,
Do not give way to fear.

I wanted so much to believe, for those words to own me.

He began to show me who He is and set me free... But it didn't feel like freedom at first.

It felt like His wrath.

He began by stripping away things that felt familiar and certain...

"Jesus absorbed Your wrath for me, right? Why this torture now?"

When I failed to be respond with faith in His words, faith in HIM actually, He pressed harder...

The process that felt like a cave was actually a tunnel. During much of it, I begged for an easy escape.

His healing only came to me when I actively wrestled my fear and made it submit to His love.

So when I woke in darkness on the first new mercies of this year, I asked Him, "What now?"

He took my hand, put my fingers to His lips, and quietly spoke Psalm 62:1-2 to me.

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."

Then He repeated Himself, the way He does when He means business:

Two hours after He led me to those words, I found a tiny scrap of paper someone had written them on.

And so my New Year's Resolution, if you can call it that, is to learn to wait for Him alone.

I don't know yet how to learn this, but I know that I have a patient, loving teacher.

I step into The Ten, lighter for lack of fear, heavier for weight of hope.

"All the waiting that I've done, all the waiting yet to do."