Thursday, June 05, 2008

Summary of Man + Woman Blog Week

This concludes my week of blogging about men, women, and relationships. Thank you so much for your questions and comments! Here are the highlights, along with a few bonus pieces. If you want to know more info, read the rest of the blogs!

- Find out who God is, then find out who you are. It will help you not to be such a fearful wreck.
- Tend your garden. Let God heal the parts that are broken and restore them.
- Don’t let just anyone into it. You are not desperate. God wants His best for you!

- Find out who God is, then find out who you are. When you discover His plan, chase it!
- Get your head on straight. Women are not a buffet for your eyes.
- Game on! When you pursue a woman, do it blatantly and righteously.

Prayer for Women:
Pray for the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Pray that your heart would trust in the goodness of God. It produces a peaceful essence that doesn't lend itself to striving and clawing and grasping… rather, it lends itself to patience and grace and joy.

Prayer for Men:
Pray that God would help you to be drawn with the fire of a thousand suns toward character and godliness. Physical beauty is vain, it will fade, and it will disappoint you. Character grows. Beauty fades. Only a fool expects a lifetime of fulfillment from something that is guaranteed to be temporary.

Thoughts on Marriage (for women):
- Pray for your husband as often as possible. Buy this book.
- Find the right place on the Speak Up / Shut Up Continuum. Thou shalt not nag. Talk to God.
- Don’t just misplace your complaints – eliminate them. No talking to girlfriends or mom! Build him up in public and in private!
- Work on your appearance. Be as attractive as you can be for your husband and for him alone.
- Have a lot of sex with him. Welcome it. Initiate it.

Bonus Question:
Do you believe there is one person for each individual? Or does God have many possible matches for us, and it's us to discern the best choice?

I personally believe that God has one person for each individual. I definitely lean toward the whole “God is sovereign” end of things, meaning that I believe He has all these things planned for us, and that He guides us down His path to help us discover that person (this is an entirely different theological discussion that I won't broach here). I’ve heard people say, “I married this woman and it was a huge mistake. She’s not the one.” I completely disagree. Once you marry a person, they become the one. They're it. Even if you don't believe that God is sovereign, you've still entered into a lifelong covenant with them. Ultimately, that is your choice and that is God’s choice. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of disagreement and rebuttal on this, but this is where I fall on this answer.

If you have more questions or comments, leave them in the comment section and I'll try to respond to them there! Thanks so much for reading... I couldn't have done it without you!

Much love,


germaine said...

I have no comments... I agree 100% ;) but I suppose that is a comment...

Love ~G

Amanda said...

"Once you marry a person, they become the one."

As someone who is married and has several friends who have already, before the age of 30, been married and divorced I don't know that I agree with this statement. I believe that if you haven't done all the things you mentioned before (getting to know yourself, getting to know God, etc.) then you are in no place to chose a spouse for yourself. I think you can "marry" someone for ALL the wrong reasons and have it not be a marriage in God's eyes. Maybe I'm naive on this, but I have a lot of friends who would tell you that God did not plan their previous marriages.

Dori said...

No one said marriage was going to be easy. Having gotten married at 24 and growing up and changing, I haven't always wanted to be married to my husband but after 17 years, I know that he is exactly whom God chose for me. There have been really hard years and really great years. But you have to believe that God has your best interest at stake and one of the best things someone ever told me I'll share with you- Divorce is not an option! Now of course if he is abusive or completely out of God's will I believe God understands an wants what is best for you but just because it is easy to get out of these days is not the reason. I am with you, it is a covenant. I don't always want to believe in that but it is reality. We both have the same inscription inside our wedding bands~ Love with God's help, and our names and the date we were married. It has only been with God's help trust me. Dori

The Musician said...

I think there are a few things missing in your sum up.

for women:
"- Don’t just misplace your complaints – eliminate them. No talking to girlfriends or mom! Build him up in public and in private!"
This, in marriage, is called sucking it up and breeds resentment. There has to be a safe place in which to talk about things with a wise older married friend or mentor (NOT MOM) who can put it into perspective for me.
Also, I would add to this:
- state your needs. Husbands aren't mind readers! Ask for the things that are important to you, but as you said, 'don't nag' is very important.
- don't expect your husband to be your 'be all, end all' and your best friend all the time. He'll be smothered! Keep your girlfriends! This should be a commandment!

Plus there should be a list for husbands too:
- Pray for your wife as often as possible, she needs it.
- NEVER compare her to your mother. You want a mom? Move back home. A wife is a partner in a life with you, not your personal housekeeper with 'benefits.'
- Continue to pursue your wife after marriage, both romantically and sexually (do the first and the second often follows!). Date her like you did when you first met and let me tell ya, this is not a date: "wanna go see 'fill in blank with movie title here' tonight? Plan something!
- State your needs. Your wife is not a mind reader either. She doesn't know it's important for you to have 3 glasses of milk per day and that you fold your underwear just so, or that you expect sex 'x' number of times per week.

For both:
- give grace. Your spouse will screw up. Your spouse will hurt you. Even if you are too mad or hurt to talk about it in the moment, without yelling, ask if you can talk about it in an hour, or two. Then go for a jog, or a fast walk (to get a good endorphin hit), and talk it over with your mentor and ask them to help you see what you brought to the table. Then talk about how you feel, not what they did. It really works!
- If you state your need and your spouse cannot take care of it, take care of yourself and do it. For example: If it's important for you to have dinner made for you every night at 6pm, but your wife is working a 40 hour work week and is beat when she gets home, cook for yourself and her too, or pick up some take out.
Or if you have been stuck at a grueling job all day and need to talk, but hubby's eyes glaze over when you unload your barrage of office drama on him, call a girlfriend!
The only exceptions are your sexual needs. Don't "take care of yourself" sexually or look for someone else to satisfy your sexual needs. If you are so sexually frustrated that you must masturbate, then something is wrong - yes, this applies to guys and girls! (ps, no one ever died from lack of sex)

One last comment and then I'll be done. A wise friend once said to me (as a wife) and she had gotten the same advice from a wise old married woman:
"Two pieces of advice for young marrieds:
1. Couples counseling - go early, go often. Marriage didn't come with a handbook and you are going to mess it up no matter how much in love you are.
2. Astroglide.(available at your local pharmacy)"