For the next couple of days, I plan to address the remaining questions I’ve received on these topics. I tried to cover most of the concerns in the previous entries, but these are a few that didn’t quite fit into the format. Here’s the first bonus question, which I have absolutely zero authority to answer. Hah!
“Your blog entries have been really geared toward singles… Do you have any advice for an old married woman about how to improve her marriage?”
Well, I don’t know you and I don’t have any details about your marriage, but I’ll do my best. And please remember: I’ve never been married, so I’m speaking mostly from what I’ve learned via my scripture, married friends, and books. Maybe the amount of books I’ve consumed on the topic will somehow bridge the gap between ignorance and information. You asked for it…
1. Pray for your husband. As often as possible.
I’ve already written about The Power of a Praying Wife, and I still use it as a daily prayer guide. I recommend buying it, breaking it in, and using it for the rest of your life.
2. Find the right place on the Speak Up / Shut Up Continuum.
This is a followup to the first point. My mentor advised me “Most of your complaints about your husband can be solved by keeping your mouth shut to him and open to God.” Not that there’s not a time to speak up—just pray about it first. Proverbs repeatedly warns men against marrying a quarrelsome or contentious woman. It says that she is like a constant dripping. We call it nagging. If you have a tendency to nag your husband, remember that it’s turning you into the person Proverbs talks about – and it says it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than in a house with that kind of woman. Uh oh.
3. Don’t just misplace your complaints – eliminate them.
When you stop nagging your husband, don’t transfer that over to your girlfriends. Or your mother. And refrain from putting him down in front of his friends. I know it must be a struggle, but that kind of talk (even when offered as a “prayer request”) only serves to emasculate and disrespect your husband. It destroys the intimacy of marriage and steals his trust in you. Build him up at every turn—in public and in private—and reject the temptation to tear him down. Always.
4. Work on your appearance.
It’s a big deal. You are the person God has given him to fulfill all his needs for feminine beauty. You are the one he chose. Plus, you deserve to take care of yourself. Prioritize it.
5. Have a lot of sex with him.
No, really. Initiate it. Revel in it. Initiate it again. Maybe you feel like he’s been neglecting you or that he never pays attention to your needs. Meet his anyway. And I suspect (it's all I can do, really) that it will have a way of warming up the fires of your relationship, not just your bedroom. Stormie Omartian puts it this way, “Something is built up in the man and the marriage when this need is met by his wife. Something is diminished when it is not. You leave yourselves open for temptation and far more destruction that you can imagine when this area of intimate communication is neglected… there is no excuse not to engage in it regularly.”
And with that, I’m done. Do any of you married people (men or women) have any other advice to add to this? Also, please correct me on anything I'm wrong about!