So I just wrapped up my week of blogging about men, women, and relationships, but I failed to answer one of the questions that someone sent in to me (Sorry, Anne!) and am making steps to remedy that. Here we go:
“How do I know what to look for in a man? What if some of my expectations are too high/low?”
I’ll try to answer that question for both sexes here. My policy has always been that I want to marry a man who will be my best friend for the rest of my life, so I try to think of the qualities that are important to me in a best friend. Here are 15 questions that work well for me when thinking through this kind of thing:
- Do we like to do the same things? (not all the same things, of course – it’s important for you to have individual interests that you can explore on your own)
- Do we like to talk about the same things? (Again, not all the same things, but the big ones. For example, it is an absolute deal-breaker for me if a guy can’t expound upon his thoughts about spiritual matters. Being in ministry, this is too much a part of my life to not be able to discuss it with my best friend.)
- Do I respect this person? Even when he/she fails? And does this person respect me?
- Do we have fun? Do I enjoy being around this person?
- Does this feel natural? Is it easy to be around this person or does it require a lot of effort?
- Do I trust this person with my heart?
- Does this person make wise decisions? (For marriage, you will be making decisions with this person for the rest of your life. If they don’t execute wise decisions, it will affect you forever.)
- Am I able to be my true self around this person without fear of rejection?
- Does this person understand me in a way that even I don’t understand myself? (This is important if you are looking at marriage as a means to become holier and more sanctified, because this person will be able to help you develop your strengths and reduce your weaknesses.)
- Can I welcome the “hard truths” from this person when they challenge me?
- Does this person help me become all that God has called me to be? Am I developing into a better version of myself because of his/her presence in my life?
- Does this person encourage me, lift me up, and make me feel alive? Or tear me down?
- Could he lead? Would I follow?
- Am I this person’s biggest fan? Do I think he/she is awesome?
- Does he/she make me love Jesus more?
These 15 questions are just a starter kit. There are tons of other things that might be important to you, but those would be more specific to your situation and your desires. And as for your expectations being too high/low, all I can offer is this: pray about it and ask God what He wants for you. Ask Him to put His desires in you so that you will want the right things. And ask for His eyes to see those things when they come along.
Hope this helps!