Friday, December 15, 2006

Hope, meet Crappy.

Hmm. Early-morning phone conversations have a way of kick-starting your day. I got a call this morning while I was parking my car, and it was one of those that sent my mind spiraling.

I am not prone to emotional fluctuations -- I'm usually operating in one of two modes: focused or happy/peaceful. "Focused" is easy to recognize, because it usually comes when I'm in front of my laptop or when I'm setting up for a show. Otherwise, notsomuch. "Happy/Peaceful" is the rest of the time (not to say that "focused" doesn't have its own share of "happy/peaceful" in there).

Today I just felt like, "What? Who AM I?"

I have not, for quite some time, felt any sense of urgency about being alone. It never makes me feel like I'm in any big hurry for anything. But today has been filled with some sense of that. What is the match that lit this fire? Is God awakening this within me... Or is this something I need to fight against? Is this His way of opening me up to something... Or just a momentary selfish desire that I should ignore? Perhaps tomorrow will tell.

2 comments:

Christine said...

That IS a rare feeling for you! I want to hear more about this...

jo the girl said...

good to read your notes from the bathroom floor again...

i'll see you on the 5th.